The Batman Movie Retrospective Series - Batman & Robin (1997)

 Published in November 2014

Short version: It’s crap, but it’s not that crappy.

I’M NOT SAYING IT’S GOOD! FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

Jesus Christ people, it’s just a movie!

Point taken…

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Batman and Robin attempt to stop Mr. Freeze from stealing a cache of diamonds. The super-criminal freezes Robin and flees, notifying Batman that he has 11 minutes to thaw his partner. They learn that Freeze was once scientist Victor Fries, who became dependent on a diamond-powered subzero suit following an accident in a cryogenics lab he was occupying to find a cure for his wife, Nora, who was suffering from a terminal illness called Mac Gregor’s Syndrome.

Meanwhile, botanist Dr. Pamela Isley is experimenting with the strength serum “Venom” to create mutant plants capable of fighting back against mankind’s destruction of flora. To her anger, she discovers that her senior colleague Dr. Jason Woodrue used her Venom samples to transform a diminutive prisoner into the “super soldier" Bane. When she refuses to become the mad scientist’s partner, Woodrue kills her with animal-plant toxins and chemicals. She transforms into the beautiful Poison Ivy and kills Woodrue with a venomous kiss before vowing to use her new powers to establish botanical supremacy over the world.

Alfred Pennyworth’s niece Barbara Wilson makes a surprise visit from England and is invited to stay at Wayne Manor until she returns to university. Alfred is revealed to be suffering from Mac Gregor’s Syndrome. He is, however, in stage 1 for which Mr.Freeze had developed a cure. His wife was in a more advanced stage and Mr. Freeze had yet to find a cure for that.

Ivy arrives in Gotham City with Bane as her henchman. She interrupts a Wayne Enterprises press conference at the Gotham Observatory where a giant new telescope is being unveiled, exhorting Bruce Wayne to implement a proposal that would safeguard the natural environment at the expense of millions of human lives, which Bruce summarily declines. She later appears at the Gotham Botanical Gardens fundraiser, seducing everyone present with her pheromone dust, including the Dynamic Duo, who are there to protect a diamond on auction from Mr. Freeze. When Freeze crashes the event as expected, Ivy is instantly captivated by his "ruthless charm”. Despite being captured by Batman and detained at the Arkham Asylum, Mr. Freeze is released by Ivy.

Ivy then proceeds to turn off Nora Fries’ life support and makes Mr. Freeze believe Batman did it, thereby persuading him that they should kill Batman as well as the society that created him. They plan to turn the observatory’s new telescope into a giant freezing gun to freeze the whole world’s population to death and replace them with Ivy’s mutant plants.

Meanwhile, Robin has become infatuated with Ivy and rebels against Batman, just as the villainess planned. He eventually goes to meet her at her garden hide-out. Ivy’s venomous kiss fails to kill Robin because Batman had prevailed on him to coat his lips with rubber. She tries to drown Robin in her lily pond and entangles Batman in her crushing vines, although they are able to free themselves when Batgirl arrives and traps Ivy in her own floral throne. Having discovered the Batcave and decided to create her own crime-fighting persona with the help of a computer simulation of Alfred with advanced AI, Batgirl reveals herself as Barbara.

When the Trio arrive at the Observatory to stop Freeze, the criminal has already frozen Gotham. Bane attacks Robin and Batgirl, but they incapacitate him and restore him to his original human state. In the battle, the telescope is destroyed, but the two younger heroes save Gotham by repositioning the observatory’s satellites, using their mirrors to reflect sunlight from outer space to thaw the city.

Batman shows Freeze video footage of Ivy’s confession about pulling the plug on Nora, but reveals that he himself restored Nora. He vows that Freeze will be allowed to continue his research at Arkham Asylum to heal Nora. Batman asks Freeze for the cure he created for the first stage of Mac Gregor’s Syndrome for Alfred and Freeze atones for his misdeeds by giving him two vials of the medicine he had developed.

At Arkham, Ivy is joined in her cell by Freeze, who vows to exact revenge on her. Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred is cured and Bruce invites Barbara to live with them and continue helping Batman and Robin fight crime as Batgirl.

On a more serious note, I’ve never understood why this movie is considered the abomination of the two Schumacher films. I mean yeah, Val did better in the role than George did, but c'mon this movie got two out of three bad guys right while the previous one got only half of it’s bad guys right. And by that same criteria, Batman Returns should be considered worse than both movies seeing as how neither of Catwoman nor Penguin were anything like their comic book counterparts. And don’t give me any crap about the Batnipples and the icepuns, especially if you enjoyed this shit

I rest my case… And for fuck’s sake Michelle, have some dignity!

Good God…

PROS:

• Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. I’m honestly just as surprised as you are, but for what he’s written to do, Schwarzenegger does a pretty good job in the role. I actually found him pretty sympathetic at times, and his intimidating moments… Well, I don’t think they were intimidating, but if I were three I may have…
• George Clooney as Bruce Wayne/Batman. Is this a good performance? No. Is this even a DECENT performance? No. But, I’ll be honest, when he’s not forced to say God awful dialogue, Clooney actually makes for a somewhat compelling presence. Especially in the bit where he’s trying to talk Dick down saying that Ivy is messing with their heads. And for fuck’s sake, look at that chin!
  

  

  
  Tell me this man doesn’t look the damn part!
• Chris O'Donnell and Alicia Silverstone, while not particularly great on their own, do have a fair bit of chemistry together. And also have enough good moments alone to not sink their boat completely.
• The Alfred subplot doesn’t work completely, but it’s a nice touch.
• I personally enjoyed much of this film’s camp, it honestly struck me as funny in the same way that Batman ‘66 does.
  

  

  
  HOW DID I MOCK HIM!?! I was complementing this movie!
  

  

  
  Don’t worry, I’m out of pros here, okay?
  

  

CONS:

• Uma Thurman is terrible in this movie, I find her more attractive than Michelle’s Catwoman, but it’s still not a very good performance even without this film’s God awful dialogue.
• This
  

  

  
  Is not Bane.
• Chris O'Donnell’s Dick Grayson does nothing but bitch at Batman in this movie, it’s especially annoying when Bruce has been right pretty much this whole time.
• Alicia Silverstone as Barbara could’ve worked, and making her Alfred’s niece could’ve worked as well, but unfortunately it’s a ball that’s been dropped completely. It also bugs me quite a bit that she’s supposed to be an Englishwoman and she sounds about as much like a California bred Yankee as anyone I know.
• As I’ve mentioned before, this dialogue is TERRIBLE.
• Please welcome, pointless love interest number three!
  

  

  
  Elle Macpherson as Julie Madison!
• They wasted John Glover. You don’t waste John Glover.

So after all that, I’m gonna give Batman & Robin, a 5 out of 10.

That enough vitriol for you people?