The Batman Movie Retrospective Series - Batman & Robin (1997)

 Published in November 2014

Short version: It’s crap, but it’s not that crappy.

I’M NOT SAYING IT’S GOOD! FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

Jesus Christ people, it’s just a movie!

Point taken…

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Batman and Robin attempt to stop Mr. Freeze from stealing a cache of diamonds. The super-criminal freezes Robin and flees, notifying Batman that he has 11 minutes to thaw his partner. They learn that Freeze was once scientist Victor Fries, who became dependent on a diamond-powered subzero suit following an accident in a cryogenics lab he was occupying to find a cure for his wife, Nora, who was suffering from a terminal illness called Mac Gregor’s Syndrome.

Meanwhile, botanist Dr. Pamela Isley is experimenting with the strength serum “Venom” to create mutant plants capable of fighting back against mankind’s destruction of flora. To her anger, she discovers that her senior colleague Dr. Jason Woodrue used her Venom samples to transform a diminutive prisoner into the “super soldier" Bane. When she refuses to become the mad scientist’s partner, Woodrue kills her with animal-plant toxins and chemicals. She transforms into the beautiful Poison Ivy and kills Woodrue with a venomous kiss before vowing to use her new powers to establish botanical supremacy over the world.

Alfred Pennyworth’s niece Barbara Wilson makes a surprise visit from England and is invited to stay at Wayne Manor until she returns to university. Alfred is revealed to be suffering from Mac Gregor’s Syndrome. He is, however, in stage 1 for which Mr.Freeze had developed a cure. His wife was in a more advanced stage and Mr. Freeze had yet to find a cure for that.

Ivy arrives in Gotham City with Bane as her henchman. She interrupts a Wayne Enterprises press conference at the Gotham Observatory where a giant new telescope is being unveiled, exhorting Bruce Wayne to implement a proposal that would safeguard the natural environment at the expense of millions of human lives, which Bruce summarily declines. She later appears at the Gotham Botanical Gardens fundraiser, seducing everyone present with her pheromone dust, including the Dynamic Duo, who are there to protect a diamond on auction from Mr. Freeze. When Freeze crashes the event as expected, Ivy is instantly captivated by his "ruthless charm”. Despite being captured by Batman and detained at the Arkham Asylum, Mr. Freeze is released by Ivy.

Ivy then proceeds to turn off Nora Fries’ life support and makes Mr. Freeze believe Batman did it, thereby persuading him that they should kill Batman as well as the society that created him. They plan to turn the observatory’s new telescope into a giant freezing gun to freeze the whole world’s population to death and replace them with Ivy’s mutant plants.

Meanwhile, Robin has become infatuated with Ivy and rebels against Batman, just as the villainess planned. He eventually goes to meet her at her garden hide-out. Ivy’s venomous kiss fails to kill Robin because Batman had prevailed on him to coat his lips with rubber. She tries to drown Robin in her lily pond and entangles Batman in her crushing vines, although they are able to free themselves when Batgirl arrives and traps Ivy in her own floral throne. Having discovered the Batcave and decided to create her own crime-fighting persona with the help of a computer simulation of Alfred with advanced AI, Batgirl reveals herself as Barbara.

When the Trio arrive at the Observatory to stop Freeze, the criminal has already frozen Gotham. Bane attacks Robin and Batgirl, but they incapacitate him and restore him to his original human state. In the battle, the telescope is destroyed, but the two younger heroes save Gotham by repositioning the observatory’s satellites, using their mirrors to reflect sunlight from outer space to thaw the city.

Batman shows Freeze video footage of Ivy’s confession about pulling the plug on Nora, but reveals that he himself restored Nora. He vows that Freeze will be allowed to continue his research at Arkham Asylum to heal Nora. Batman asks Freeze for the cure he created for the first stage of Mac Gregor’s Syndrome for Alfred and Freeze atones for his misdeeds by giving him two vials of the medicine he had developed.

At Arkham, Ivy is joined in her cell by Freeze, who vows to exact revenge on her. Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred is cured and Bruce invites Barbara to live with them and continue helping Batman and Robin fight crime as Batgirl.

On a more serious note, I’ve never understood why this movie is considered the abomination of the two Schumacher films. I mean yeah, Val did better in the role than George did, but c'mon this movie got two out of three bad guys right while the previous one got only half of it’s bad guys right. And by that same criteria, Batman Returns should be considered worse than both movies seeing as how neither of Catwoman nor Penguin were anything like their comic book counterparts. And don’t give me any crap about the Batnipples and the icepuns, especially if you enjoyed this shit

I rest my case… And for fuck’s sake Michelle, have some dignity!

Good God…

PROS:

• Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. I’m honestly just as surprised as you are, but for what he’s written to do, Schwarzenegger does a pretty good job in the role. I actually found him pretty sympathetic at times, and his intimidating moments… Well, I don’t think they were intimidating, but if I were three I may have…
• George Clooney as Bruce Wayne/Batman. Is this a good performance? No. Is this even a DECENT performance? No. But, I’ll be honest, when he’s not forced to say God awful dialogue, Clooney actually makes for a somewhat compelling presence. Especially in the bit where he’s trying to talk Dick down saying that Ivy is messing with their heads. And for fuck’s sake, look at that chin!
  

  

  
  Tell me this man doesn’t look the damn part!
• Chris O'Donnell and Alicia Silverstone, while not particularly great on their own, do have a fair bit of chemistry together. And also have enough good moments alone to not sink their boat completely.
• The Alfred subplot doesn’t work completely, but it’s a nice touch.
• I personally enjoyed much of this film’s camp, it honestly struck me as funny in the same way that Batman ‘66 does.
  

  

  
  HOW DID I MOCK HIM!?! I was complementing this movie!
  

  

  
  Don’t worry, I’m out of pros here, okay?
  

  

CONS:

• Uma Thurman is terrible in this movie, I find her more attractive than Michelle’s Catwoman, but it’s still not a very good performance even without this film’s God awful dialogue.
• This
  

  

  
  Is not Bane.
• Chris O'Donnell’s Dick Grayson does nothing but bitch at Batman in this movie, it’s especially annoying when Bruce has been right pretty much this whole time.
• Alicia Silverstone as Barbara could’ve worked, and making her Alfred’s niece could’ve worked as well, but unfortunately it’s a ball that’s been dropped completely. It also bugs me quite a bit that she’s supposed to be an Englishwoman and she sounds about as much like a California bred Yankee as anyone I know.
• As I’ve mentioned before, this dialogue is TERRIBLE.
• Please welcome, pointless love interest number three!
  

  

  
  Elle Macpherson as Julie Madison!
• They wasted John Glover. You don’t waste John Glover.

So after all that, I’m gonna give Batman & Robin, a 5 out of 10.

That enough vitriol for you people?

The Batman Movie Retrospective Series - Batman Forever (1995)

 Published in November 2014

Well then…

That’s one way to start off a movie, I guess…

(Credit to WouldYouLikeToSeeMyMask for the GIFs)

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

In Gotham City, Batman stops a hostage situation in a bank caused by Two-Face, the alter ego of the disfigured former district attorney, Harvey Dent. However, Two-Face escapes. Edward Nygma, a researcher at Wayne Enterprises, develops a device to beam television directly to a person’s brain; Bruce Wayne - with whom Nygma is obsessed - rejects the invention, noting that it “raises too many questions”, and Nygma angrily resigns from his position after killing his supervisor Fred Stickley, and forging his suicide note. During a news report, it shows how Harvey Dent became Two-Face: While he was prosecuting Sal Maroni, Maroni threw acid in Harvey’s face while Batman tried to stop him but failed. After meeting Batman-obessesed psychiatrist Dr. Chase Meridian, Bruce invites her to a charity circus event. There, Two-Face and his henchmen storm the event in an attempt to discover Batman’s secret identity, and in the process murder The Flying Graysons, a family of acrobats who attempt to stop him. The youngest member, Dick, survives and throws Two-Face’s bomb into the river.

Bruce assumes responsibility for Dick and allows him to stay at Wayne Manor. Dick then declares his intention to kill Two-Face and avenge his family’s murder, and when he discovers Bruce’s secret identity as Batman, he insists on becoming his partner, “Robin”. Meanwhile, Nygma becomes a criminal known as the “Riddler”, the master of puzzles and quizzes and forms an alliance with Two-Face. The two work together to steal capital for the mass production and promotion of Nygma’s television device. Using his device, Nygma can read and control people’s minds, and steal their intelligence quotient. At a business party, Nygma discovers Bruce’s secret identity. Two-Face then attacks the party and nearly kills Batman, but Robin arrives just in time to save his life. Meanwhile, Chase realizes her love for Bruce surpasses her obsession with Batman, but soon discovers that they are one and the same. However, Two-Face and the Riddler later converge into Wayne Manor. The Riddler enters the Batcave and destroys most of the equipment, and he and Two-Face kidnap Chase, who the Riddler is romantic to, while leaving Bruce another riddle.

After solving the last riddle, Batman and Robin locate the Riddler’s lair, Claw Island, where both are separated upon reaching the island. Robin then encounters Two-Face and manages to beat him to the ground; realizing that he does not have it in him to commit murder, Robin helps the villain back up. Two-Face gets the upper hand and captures Robin. Meanwhile, Batman manages to make his way into the Riddler’s lair, where Robin and Chase are revealed as hostages, bound, gagged with duct tape and held over a watery chasm, giving Batman a choice of saving just one hostage. Batman finds a way to save both hostages, and manages to destroy the brainwave-collecting device, driving the Riddler into a mental breakdown in the process. During the battle, Two-Face falls to his death. The Riddler is finally sent to Arkham Asylum, and Chase is asked to consult on his case. Nygma offers to reveal the identity of Batman to her, but he believes that he himself is Batman, due to his damaged memories. Chase then meets Bruce Wayne outside and tells him his secret is safe. Batman and Robin then continue to protect Gotham City from crime.

I’ve been tapping my index fingers against f and j for the past fifteen seconds just thinking of what to say about this movie… I want to say it’s a good movie but

For years I’ve been saying I like the Schumacher Batman movies more than Burton ones, but now that I’ve seen THIS ONE and the Burton films in their entirety, I realize something

So wrong! This movie isn’t awful, but it’s so not good! I can’t bear it!

Tim Burton, can I just say

I’ll never insult you as a filmmaker ever again… Except for the Planet of the Apes remake, that shit is unforgivable!

PROS

• Val Kilmer does the best he possibly can with this shit script, he doesn’t do as good as Keaton does from a purely acting standpoint, but I think he comes off as more of what I imagine Batman and Bruce Wayne to be. I especially like the scene of him trying to talk to Nygma saying that he’d love to greenlight his project, but he’d like to get some more information about it first, and when Nygma says that he won’t do that, Bruce politely tells him that his project just brings up to many personal objections for him so he’s gonna have to say no. Much respect Val, thanks for trying!
• Chris O'Donnell doesn’t bring a lot to the table as Dick Grayson, but he makes the guy pretty likable while also bringing out Dick’s cockiness and his flirtatious nature with women. He acquits himself well in the scenes where he’s performing gymnastics and parkour, and he does a good job of conveying the attitude of a guy who’s usually pretty cocksure and arrogant suddenly going through a bout with depression. Not bad Chris, not bad at all.
• Jim Carrey’s Edward Nygma is way too kooky for my taste, but that kookiness is used to excellent effect as The Riddler. You can pretty clearly see this character is ground zero for what Guy Pearce and Jamie Foxx would later be seen doing in Iron Man 3 and Amazing Spider-Man 2, and don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about
  

  

• Elliot Goldenthal comes out with a pretty decent score here, his themes are nowhere near the greatness that came from Burton, but it’s still pretty good, have a listen. Not bad right?
• While Tommy Lee Jones’s Two-Face is usually kind of insufferable in this film, there’s this brief moment where he makes a far more lucid statement, he’s about to kill Dick, Bruce, and Dr. Chase, when Bruce tells he hasn’t flipped his coin to make the call to kill them or not yet, and Harvey thanks Bruce for that, and quickly tells him that he always a good friend. I feel like if he were in a better film, Jones could’ve been a kick ass Harvey Dent, but as is, this character and this actor are underserved.
• Jones and Carrey have terrific chemistry together, and are pretty hilarious as a team.
• Michael Gough still excels as Alfred, and he does a good job of trying to lift Dick’s spirits after his family dies.

CONS

• If this movie is supposed to be a direct sequel to Tim Burton’s Batman films and not a standalone piece, then this Bruce Wayne is a fucking hypocrite. Honest to God, you went out of your way to kill at least two super villains, and did kill numerous henchmen, and in some pretty fucking brutal ways!
• Tommy Lee Jones’s TwoFace is irritating as hell.
• Nicole Kidman’s Dr. Chase Meridian is a useless character who adds nothing to film.
• Jim Carrey’s Nygma is a pretty obvious suspect, especially with his clearly over the top crocodile tears.
• The death of the Flying Graysons is needlessly over the top, and should’ve been played much straighter.
• Alfred and Dick clearly saw each other in the Batcave, how the hell did he manage to let Dick get away with the Batmobile?
• I understand that Bruce Wayne has to keep up his public image in order to avoid suspicions that he is Batman, but with two major villains out on the loose, should you really be trying to shack up with Chase?
• “I’ve never been in love before.”
  

  

  
  Fuck you too Mr. Wayne.

Overall, this film wasn’t as much of a chore as I made it out to be, but it’s still kinda fuckin’ terrible. I’ve seen worse movies, and I’ve seen worse Batman movies (although of the animated variety), so I’m gonna give Batman Forever, a 4.5 out of 10.

Is it bad? Yes. Is it an abomination? No. Did I review the other two movies? Yes And Yes. So please join me when I examine the true abomination that we know and love, referred to only as…

Stay tuned!

The Batman Movie Retrospective Series - Batman Returns (1992)

 Published November 2014

You know, say what you want about Odin from the Thor movies, but at least the guy actually saved a child that was possibly about to die. He may have raised him with the intent of molding him into a propaganda tool, but at he still raised him like one of his own, and AMONG his own!

Meanwhile, Penguin’s mama and papa, Peewee Herman and Queen Bansheera- No really, the Lady Cobblepot actress did the voice of Queen Bansheera from Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue, here’s a link- Anywho, the two of them up and decided, “You know what, our kid’s kinda ugly, let’s just send him down river like Moses, only without the intention of saving an enslaved race of people from an oppressive monarchy, that kinda sounds like fun!” So Odin, on behalf of everyone on this website I’d like to present you with this

You’ve earned it big man!

Look at him! He’s so proud!

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Tucker and Esther Cobblepot, an aristocratic couple, throw their deformed infant child into the sewers, feeling that Gotham City’s high society would not approve after witnessing their son kill their pet cat. However, a flock of penguins living in the sewers rescue him and raise him. 33 years later, the child becomes the Penguin. He kidnaps businessman Max Shreck, blackmailing him into helping him become a citizen of Gotham using evidence of his corporate crimes. Meanwhile, Max discovers that his secretary, Selina Kyle, has found out he is planning to build a power plant which will drain Gotham of its electricity. Max pushes her out of a window, ensuring that she will not tell anyone. However, a flock of alley cats lick her corpse, reviving her. She returns home, suffers a mental breakdown and makes a homemade black vinyl catsuit and becomes a costumed vigilante named “Catwoman”.

Penguin sends one of his costumed henchmen to kidnap the mayor’s baby while he “saves” him, becoming a hero to the people of Gotham. However, billionaire Bruce Wayne is suspicious of the Penguin and discovers that he is the leader of the Red Triangle Circus Gang who commits crimes throughout Gotham. As Batman, Bruce decides to protect Gotham from the gang. After Penguin discovers that his parents are dead and his name is Oswald Cobblepot, Max decides to make Penguin the mayor of Gotham because the current mayor will not approve of Max’s power plant. To do this, the Penguin has the Red Triangle Circus Gang create a riot, causing the citizens to lose all faith in the mayor, but Batman stops it. During the riot, Catwoman vandalizes Shreck’s Department Store to gain revenge on Max. When Batman and Penguin confront each other, she intervenes before the store blows up. Penguin escapes as Catwoman fights Batman. Batman pushes her off a rooftop, but a litter box on a truck saves her.

The next day, Penguin and Catwoman collaborate on a plan to kill Batman. Meanwhile, Bruce and Selina develop a romantic relationship. Penguin and Catwoman kidnap the Ice Princess, an actress chosen to turn on the Gotham City Christmas Tree Lights, framing Batman. Batman finds her but Catwoman takes her to a rooftop where the Penguin releases a swarm of flying bats which make the Princess retreat backwards, falling off, making her death seem like Batman’s fault. Catwoman rejects the Penguin’s advances, prompting him to try killing her. Batman enters the Batmobile and discovers that Penguin has control over it, due to a device Penguin’s gang installed. The Penguin takes it on a devastating rampage, but Batman regains control over it, escaping death.

Batman, having recorded the Penguin’s plans during the rampage, plays it during the Penguin’s election speech, turning the people against him. Enraged, Penguin kidnaps all the first-born sons of Gotham, including Max Shreck. Batman saves all the babies, forcing the Penguin to execute an alternate plan to destroy the entire city with his penguin army. However, Batman foils the plan by luring the penguins back to the Penguin’s sewer base. He briefly battles the Penguin, then pushes him into sewer water. Catwoman tries to kill Max, but Batman stops her and reveals himself as Bruce. Max shoots Batman, knocking him out. Catwoman claims that she has six of her nine lives left, although Max shoots her four times, leaving her with two lives. Catwoman kisses Max with an electrical taser between their lips and breaks an electric wire, creating an explosion which kills Max but Batman cannot find Selina’s corpse. The Penguin emerges from the water, but chokes on his own blood from internal injuries from the fall and falls to the ground, dead. His emperor penguins hold a funeral for their former boss and drag his corpse into the sewer water, his resting place.

Afterwards, Alfred drives Bruce home. Suddenly, Bruce spots Selina’s shadow in an alley. He investigates the area, only finding her black cat Miss Kitty, taking her with him before exchanging Christmas wishes with Alfred. The Batsignal lights up in the night sky and Catwoman rises up into the foreground and stares at it, confirming that she is alive.

If you’re wondering at all, I’m not planning to comment on how not like the comics this movie is, if you have even a passing knowledge of the funny books that’s obvious. Catwoman wasn’t some pathetic secretary lady who died and was resurrected by cats, and was subsequently given nine lives. She was just a cat burglar who had a thing for actual cats. Penguin was never some sort of disfigured freak who was raised by carnies in the sewer. He was just some guy who had flipper like hands (and I don’t even think that’s a thing nowadays) and kind of a beakish nose(which I’m pretty sure is still a thing) who looked sort of like penguin, but was otherwise, just your average run of the mill mob boss with a thing for umbrellas. I’m treating this less like adventure in Gotham City, and more like an adventure in…

Which granted, ain’t my favorite place in the world, but when it’s a good time, it’s a pretty fucking good time! So let’s hope just hope this doesn’t suck as much Planet of the Apes did, and have the best time we can!

PROS

• Michael Keaton has definitely grown into the role I think, I wasn’t a huge fan of his Batman last time, but I think I like him a little better this time around. He still makes for a pretty good Bruce Wayne, and I like how this time he actually gets to show some authority as the billionaire playboy. In one scene he confronts Shreck and lets him know him that he’s more than ready to play hardball with this son of a bitch. Nice work as always Mr. Keaton, bravo!
• Danny DeVito’s Penguin is a mixed bag for me, he’s well acted, and even occasionally sympathetic, but at the same time he’s so vile and disgusting that I often have a hard time maintaining interest in him. I really liked how initially they sort of drew a parallel, especially with Bruce watching the initial broadcast where he says that just wants to find out who his parents are, who he is, and why they decided to just abandon him. Alfred asks him if he’s alright, and Bruce just says he’s fine, he just hopes Penguin finds his parents. The moment that really sold the parallel though, is this quick scene where Penguin finds his parents’s graves and throws a rose upon the respective headstones. I get the feeling this was intentional callback to the scene in Batman where Bruce throws a pair of roses on the site where his own parents were murdered in front of him. I’ve got more to say about this character, but I’ll save the rest of that commentary for the cons. Overall, I think there’s more to appreciate about this character and this performance than their is to criticize.
• Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman is another mixed bag for me, I think she and Michael have pretty good chemistry together, and all of her scenes pretty well acted, especially the scene where she comes back home after being killed by Shreck and resurrected by all the Alley cats, and I LOVE the scene where she comes back to Shreck’s office in the middle of his meeting with Bruce and they both know exactly what he did, and he’s not letting him off the hook at all. And knowing that she actually held a live bird in her mouth for a scene, I gotta give her props for that.
• Christopher Walken as Max Shreck.
  

  

  
  I honestly think he’s the best villain of this film, he’s not cartoonishly evil, but he’s still clearly a bad person. He has sympathetic traits, he cares deeply about his son, but at the film doesn’t try to use that as excuse for actions. He manipulates Penguin into becoming his puppet so he can put up his power plant that would actually leach energy from the city. He lets Selina sweat for a minute, before he lets her into a sense of false security, before he actually pushes her out of the fucking window. And honestly, his performance is pretty good in it’s own right. Overall, I really liked this character. I think my favorite scenes of him were actually the moments where he’s face to face with Penguin for the first time and the scene where he sees Selina AFTER he actually killed him. With Penguin, you can see the gears turning in his head about how to bullshit his way out of this potentially dangerous situation, and he ultimately comes up with a pretty good out. And with Selina, you can see him sweating bullets, “You’re supposed to be dead! But you’re not! What the hell is going on?!” I thought this character was terrific, five stars to Burton and Walken for this one!
• Danny Elfman’s fucking score!
  

  

  
  Even better than the last movie, give it a listen here!
• I really like the scene of Bruce and Selina at Shreck’s ball, the symbolism of them being the only people there who aren’t wearing masks is kinda on the nose, but it really does work.
• Michael Gough continues to excel as Alfred, I especially love the early scene where he tells a paperboy, who’s trying to give him an article about the Penguin, that the paper is usually dreck but this kind of nonsense is especially dreck.
• I like how we FINALLY got see Batman and Gordon actually talk to each other, it’s pretty brief and Batman doesn’t seem terribly interested in talking, but I’m glad these films finally got something from the Batman mythos that I’ve always valued as a fan.
• While I liked the actual suit in Batman better, I really liked the cowl more in this movie than the last one.
  

  

  
  I feel like it fits Keaton’s head better, and just looks more like Batman to me. I’m not sure why exactly.

CONS

• What in the hell made Shreck think that Penguin would be a good mayoral candidate? Really? We haven’t a president who wasn’t at least a 6.5 since Kennedy! What makes you think a guy as disgusting as Penguin could get into office?!
• The scene where Catwoman asks Batman how he could’ve hit her when she’s a woman annoys the hell out of me, especially because Bats starts stammering because he didn’t really think about it. Yeah guys, I’ll refer you to this
  

  

  
  

  

• The Penguin’s death is just so mean spirited, were you in a bad mood that day Tim?
• I really don’t find this Catwoman very attractive. Michelle Pfeiffer is a very pretty lady, but the scene where Catwoman just starts licking herself does more to disgust me than arouse me. And knowing that that scene is meant to arouse me, that’s a definite con.
• I really hate how the first thing we see Selina do as Catwoman is kill a sexual predator and then YELL AT THE WOMAN WHO WAS BEING ASSAULTED FOR MAKING IT SO EASY FOR HIM! Fuck you Catwoman!
• The scene where Catwoman keeps taking a bunch of bullets from Shreck and she starts counting off how many lives she has left before she actually kills him doesn’t work for me, considering that I’m pretty sure only one of those actual shots would’ve been lethal. By the end of the film she has one life left, but I’m pretty sure she should’ve still had about five.
• Speaking of her various lives, I really wish they’d kept whether or not Selina was still alive ambiguous, it felt kind of tacked on when we saw her kneeling with her back to the camera with the batsignal in the background. It would’ve been more emotionally resonant if we ended with Bruce still thinking she was alive, but we the audience weren’t 100% sure

All in all, this is a pretty flawed film, but I think I enjoyed it more than it’s predecessor. I wouldn’t say it’s the better film, but it’s the more ambitious film, and I like how we actually have three antagonists who are somewhat sympathetic for a change. So with that said, I’m gonna Batman Returns a 7.1 out of 10.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this review, and if you did hop on by to my previous review to hear my thoughts on Batman! And then when you’re done with that head back to my blog to hear my thoughts on Warner’s response to this movie with the now infamous

Stay tuned!

DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series - Batman Vs. Robin (2015)

Written In July 2015

Watching this film in preparation for Justice League: Gods And Monsters is like filing your damn taxes in hopes of that big ass $500 return. It’s tedious as fuck, it’s not enjoyable at all, but you’re hoping that it’ll lead to something much much better and more entertaining, and God almighty do I hope that movie is good! As for this movie though?

Originally posted by storiesmakeyoufly

Well… I’ve definitely seen worse from DC Animation

Much

Much

Worse

So I guess there’s that…

Plot Summary Taken From IMDb:

While Damian Wayne struggles to cope with Batman’s no-killing rule, he soon starts to believe that his destiny lies within a secret society known as, The Court of Owls.

You know what’s a comic series I loved?

You know what’s another comic series I loved?

This movie was supposed to be based on both of those volumes and guess what?

They fucking fucked it up!

The Talons are boring antagonists, the Court of Owls aren’t even remotely threatening, the “Get the hell out of my cave!” Scene wasn’t nearly as badass as it was in the comic, the main Talon had potential as he was done here but that was completely wasted as it would turn out. So congrats J.M. DeMatteis and Jay Olivia, you squandered epic source material to make a crappy ass movie!

And that’s not me saying it, that’s Commissioner Gordon saying it! He lived through this shit, he knows what he’s talking about!

PROS:

• In terms of animation and backgrounds, this movie does a good job of setting up it’s atmosphere, kudos to you Oliva.
• The action throughout the film is pretty well done, I’m not always fond of why the fights are happening (we’ll get to that later) but I can never say I’m bored by the actual fighting.
• I like how the movie starts with Damian doing some detective work, we saw in Son of Batman that he was a little hothead (and he still is here) but now we see he’s actually got some brains rattling around in there and he knows how to actually use them, good job little guy!
• Everything relating to the Dollmaker is fucking fantastic! It’s creepy as hell for one, and two, the Dollmaker himself comes off as a suitably disgusting character that you still can’t help but feel sorry for. Which is an especially a great feat when you realize he’s voiced by freaking Weird Al Yankovic! MVP right here guys!
• I appreciate the very brief moment where Damian is trying talk himself out of killing the Dollmaker, repeating Bruce’s advice about prioritizing justice over vengeance.
• I like the very brief scene of Batman comforting the kidnapped children, that felt pretty in character.
• The early bonding scenes between Bruce and Damian are really good, I like the two of them talking about Charles Dickens and Bruce letting Damian having his own bowl of popcorn when they watch that western together.
• I like the idea of having Dick babysit Damian and I love how we get a little Starfire reference, I just wish it didn’t contain a pointless fight scene between Robin and Nightwing or further awkward attempts from DC Animation at being adult by making frank references to sex.
• On paper I really like the idea of Talon mentoring Damian and trying seduce him to the dark side so to speak, in practice I don’t really think it works, but I think it could’ve worked with a better writer than J.M. DeMatteis
• I have mixed feelings about the blonde chick Bruce is dating being the grandmaster, but on the positive side I think it’s an interesting twist, and it’d make sense to get close to such a valuable target. Plus, if Bruce isn’t 100% about joining the Court, you can just drop the bomb that you’re a member and think that him joining could only benefit the world and Gotham City.

CONS:

• I think there are times where this movie just doesn’t know what to say or what not say. There are bits of dialogue that either feel tacked on or were in the right ballpark but still off the mark. When Batman shows up in the middle of Damian’s fight with Dollmaker’s army of child soldiers with weaponized limbs, Damian says he doesn’t need any help, and Bruce repeats a sassy remark Damian gave him earlier. Or when Damian looks like he’s about to kill Bruce, Bruce just yells at him to kill him already if it’s really what he wants. These are both lines that just should’ve been omitted honestly.
• I really hate how when Bruce finds Damian standing over Dollmaker’s dead body, and Bruce asks Damian what he did, Damian just says “figure it out for yourself.

• Damian how do you expect Bruce to trust you more if you keep sneaking out, especially after he thinks you killed someone!

• Dick why do you think it’s a good idea to egg on your opponent when they’re a trained assassin that happens to be a temperamental child?

• Alfred you know better than to do something as stupid as lower security so Damian can get through! What kind of idiot are you J. M. DeMatteis?

• You know if this story is focusing on Damian, why’re you giving us a flashback about Bruce? Also, why’re you implying that the court of owls actually did kill Bruce’s parents? Who do you think you are? Tim Burton?

• Lets get down to the brass tacks here, a fight between Batman and Robin is pointless! I mean an argument is one thing, a physical skirmish is one thing, but a film where the entire premise leads to Batman and Robin duking out is pointless, especially when the Robin in question is a ten year old boy!
• At the end of the film Bruce and Damian decide to part ways because Damian can’t figure out who he is, admitting that he’s so confused by what Bruce, Thalia, and Ra’s have all taught him. Here’s the thing kiddo- No fuck that, here’s the thing J.M DeMatteis, HE’S FUCKING TEN YEARS OLD! NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE AT TEN! NOBODY CARES WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE WHEN THEY’RE TEN YEARS OLD! I know Damian isn’t exactly a normal ten year old, but he’s still a ten year old boy! And the fact that Bruce says Damian isn’t really a child only serves to irritate me further.

Originally posted by polystyrene-hat

Overall, Batman Vs. Robin is a waste of time. Mine, yours, everyone’s. It didn’t anger me as much as the above three films did, but it’s almost there. I’m gonna the film a 4.7 out of 10

DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series - Batman: Year One (2011)

Written In January 2014

Unpopular Opinion: I like Dark Kniht Returns WAY better than Year One. In fact I find the Batman half of this story is extremely boring, the Gordon half however, that’s where this story REALLY sings!

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Bruce Wayne returns home to Gotham City from training abroad in martial arts, man hunting, and science for the past 12 years, and James Gordon moves to Gotham with his pregnant wife, Barbara, after a transfer from Chicago. Both are swiftly acquainted with the corruption and violence of Gotham City, with Gordon witnessing his partner Detective Flass assaulting a teen for fun.

On a surveillance mission in the seedy East End, teenage prostitute Holly Robinsonpropositions a disguised Wayne. He is drawn into a brawl with her pimp and several prostitutes, including dominatrix Selina Kyle. One of the two reporting police officers shoot him without provocation and take him in their squad car, but a dazed and bleeding Bruce maneuvers his handcuffed hands in front of himself, and demands the police get out. The cops try to subdue him, but the ensuing struggle causes the police car to careen out of control, and flips. Bruce flees, but not before dragging the police to a safe distance. He reaches Wayne Manorbarely alive and sits before his father’s bust, requesting guidance in his war on crime. A bat crashes through a window and settles on the bust, giving him inspiration.

Gordon works to rid corruption from the force, but on orders from Commissioner Gillian Loeb, several officers attack him, including Flass, who threatens Gordon’s pregnant wife. In revenge, Gordon tracks Flass down, beats and humiliates him, leaving him naked and handcuffed in the snow.

As Gordon becomes a minor celebrity for several brave acts, Batman strikes for the first time, attacking a group of thieves. Batman soon works up the ladder, even attacking Flass while he was accepting a bribe. After Batman interrupts a dinner party attended by many of Gotham’s corrupt politicians and crime bosses, including Carmine “The Roman” Falcone, Loeb orders Gordon to bring him in by any means necessary.

As Gordon tries in vain to catch him, Batman attacks Falcone, stripping him naked and tying him up in his bed after dumping his car in the river. Assistantdistrict attorneyHarvey Dent becomes Batman’s first ally.

Detective Sarah Essen suggests Wayne as a Batman suspect and she and Gordon witness Batman save an old woman from a runaway truck. Essen holds Batman at gunpoint, but Batman disarms her and flees to an abandoned building. Loeb fraudulently orders a bomb dropped on it, forcing Batman into the fortified basement. A trigger-happy SWAT team led by Branden is sent in, whom Batman attempts to trap in the basement. Branden manages to climb out of the trap through a collapsed chimney, and joins in the gun battle. Enraged as the team’s careless gunfire injures several people outside, Batman beats the team into submission. Using a device to attract the bats of his cave, Batman escapes amid the chaos. Selina Kyle, after witnessing him in action, dons a costume of her own to begin the life as costumed thief Catwoman.

Gordon has a brief affair with Essen, while Batman intimidates a drug dealer for information. The dealer goes to Gordon to testify against Flass, who is brought up on charges. Loeb blackmails Gordon with proof of his affair against pressing charges. After taking Barbara with him to investigate Wayne’s connection to Batman, Gordon confesses the affair to her.

Batman sneaks into Falcone’s manor and overhears a plan against Gordon but is interrupted when Catwoman, hoping to build a reputation after her robberies were pinned on Batman, attacks Falcone and his bodyguards, aided by Batman. Identifying Falcone’s plan as the morning comes, the un-costumed Bruce leaves to help Gordon.

Gordon tries to rebuild the relationships with his family after Essen leaves Gotham. While leaving home, Gordon spots a motorcyclist enter his garage. Suspicious, Gordon enters to see Johnny Vitti (Falcone’s nephew) and his thugs holding his family hostage. Gordon realizes if he lets them go, they will most likely kill his wife and son. Therefore, Gordon shoots the thugs and chases Vitti, who has fled with the baby. Bruce Wayne, on a motorcycle, also rushes to chase Vitti. Gordon blows out Vitti’s car tire on a bridge and the two fights, with Gordon losing his glasses, before Vitti and James Gordon Jr. fall over the side. Bruce leaps over the railing and saves the baby. Gordon realizes that he is standing before an unmasked Batman, but says that he is “practically blind without [his] glasses,” and lets Bruce go.

Gordon and his wife start attending marriage counseling, and he ends with a final monologue: “It turns out that Flass is smarter than he looks, took notes on every little talk he had with Loeb” … “there’s a real panic on, somebody has threatened to poison the Gotham reservoir,” who calls himself “The Joker.” Gordon, standing on a rooftop, anticipates a friend coming, whom he believes able to help, implying it is Batman.

I feel about his movie mostly the same way about the movie as I do the comic it’s based. The Commissioner Gordon storyline is EXCELLENT! If this was just a story about Gordon fighting corruption with appearance of Batman being a minor subplot with no real mention of the secret identity, this movie and the comic it was based on would be FAR better! But no, this is as much a Batman movie as it is a Gordon movie. And the Batman story sucks so much. It’s all about him learning how to make crooks scared of him, and it’s not even like Phantasm where Bruce is frustrated by it, he’s just thinking “Hmmmm, how do I make them scared of me?” Or Batman Begins where getting crooks to be scared of him is secondary only to inspiring the good folks in Gotham to say “Hey! This is bullshit, let’s do something about!” It just comes off as generic undetailed and uninspired. The reason I feel the same way about this movie is because while it follows the same plot exactly, narration included, but it has Bryan Cranston as Gordon! And I fucking love Bryan Cranston! But the actor who plays Batman… Well… I’m sure you’re much better on screen than off it… Let’s just talk about Pros and Cons.

PROS:

• Bryan Cranston as Commissioner (here Detective) Gordon! Fox, I don’t care how much you have to pay, get him to be the Gordon on your Gotham tv series!
• There are no supervillains in this movie, just mob guys and corrupt cops!
• This Jim Gordon is SUUUUUUCH a badass!
• The fights in this movie are spectacular to watch!
• The animation is pretty good.
• The score is pretty cool.
• Eliza Dushku makes for a really good Catwoman!
• Katee Sackoff does good work as Sarah Essen.

CONS:

• Catwoman is shoehorned into this story and unneeded.
• The Sarah Essen story comes out of left field and really pointless.
• The Batman story in here is in no way shape or form improved upon from the comic.
• Ben McKenzie as Batman… I don’t know who this guy is but he should never do voice work again because he is TERRIBLE at it!

Overall, I’m gonna give this one a 6.25 out of 10. If you liked the comic, you’ll really like this movie. If you didn’t, this movie won’t change your mind. If you haven’t read the comic, this movie is a nice alternative to it. Bryan Cranston does great work, but the rest are take it or leave it.