The Spider-Man Retrospective Series - The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Written In May 2014

 I feel betrayed… I went on and on about how great The Amazing Spider-Man is, I defended that movie from harsh critics, I told fellow fans of the Raimi series it’s really good and you should go see it, I even said the score isn’t that good but it’s still perfectly enjoyable, and what does the team behind these movies do? They let go of Alvin Sargent, who had some uncredited additions to David Koepp’s screenplay all the way back on the original Spider-Man movie with Tobey Maguire and Willem Dafoe, and then went on to be a credited screenwriter on Spider-Man 2-The Amazing Spider-Man, and they also let go of Steve Kloves who penned all EIGHT of the Harry Potter movies! And who do they replace them with.

These two assholes. Don’t know them? Maybe you’ll know their names, Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci. Still don’t know them. Well maybe their credits will sound familiar. The first two of Michael Bay’s Transformers movies and both of JJ Abrams’s Star Trek movies… Yep, these two got their talentless paws on SPIDER-MAN!

Thank GOD, Abrams didn’t decided to wheel them in for Star Wars - Episode VII!

Speaking of science fiction series with the word Star in them, let me ask you something. What do Benedict Cumberbatch and Emma Stone have in common? Why they were both in recent franchises that Kurtzman and Orci wrote and produced that had “secrets” in them that were poorly hidden in advertising. Every fan left and right theorized last year that Cumberbatch was Khan, and what happened? It turns out he was Khan all along and everyone lied… Poorly! And with this movie? Every single person online was theorizing that Gwen would die in the second movie. Hell, everyone was theorizing that the minute Peter whispered to the poor girl that the promises you can’t keep are the best kind and then she smiled at what he was implying. And then the infamous set photos started coming out, and there were two things that really got people’s heads spinning.

Shailine Woodley as Mary-Jane Watson. Why did this get people chatting? Because they thought she wasn’t “hot” enough.

The other was this picture of Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy.

Why did this get people chatting, because these are the exact same clothes Gwen Stacy wore in the comics…

The night she died!

I, despite my better judgement, concluded that they wouldn’t actually kill her and it would be a fake out. But then this trailer came out and it hinted at one particular thing. They showed Gwen in that costume I just showed you on top of some kind of giant gear looking rather frightened, and then they showed Peter as Spider-Man, but without his mask on, screaming bloody murder. Gwen in the outfit she wore when she died in 1973 and Peter screaming in agony. Gee! I wonder what that could mean! And so then I came to the conclusion that they were going to kill her, but they shouldn’t. And what did they do?

DEAD!

There were so many things you could’ve done with this character, with this actress, but instead you’re going to just kill her off? What the hell man!

But since I told you that much, I might as well tell you what else happens.

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Scientist Richard Parker records a video message to explain his disappearance. Later, he and his wife, Mary, are aboard a private jet hijacked by a man sent to assassinate Richard. With the pilot dead, the plane crashes.

In the present, Richard’s son Peter continues to fight crime as Spider-Man. He pursues and apprehends Aleksei Sytsevich, who attempted to steal a truck containing plutonium vials. During the chase, Spider-Man rescues OsCorp Industries employee Max Dillon. While speaking by phone with Gwen Stacy, Peter sees a vision of her father, police captain George Stacy, reminding him to leave Gwen out of it. Afterward, Peter meets with Gwen at their high school graduation ceremony, but insists he needs to keep his vow to her father and ends their relationship.

Peter’s childhood friend Harry Osborn returns to Manhattan to see his terminally ill father Norman, CEO of OsCorp. Norman explains his illness is hereditary, and Harry is at the age where it first develops. Norman gives Harry a small device he claims contains his life’s work. The next day, Norman dies and Harry is appointed the new OsCorp CEO. He humiliates the OsCorp board, which has been privy to Norman’s secret biogenetic projects for foreign military powers.

Thinking that they have become friends, Max idolizes Spider-Man. While tending to some maintenance in an OsCorp laboratory, he loses his balance and falls into a tank of genetically modified electric eels. They attack him, and he mutates into a living electric generator. Meanwhile, Peter attempts to maintain a friendship with Gwen, but she reveals she may move to England for school. Before they can discuss it, Max wanders into Times Square and accidentally causes a blackout. Spider-Man attempts to calm him down, but the police fire at Max, making him lose his temper and attack. Spider-Man eventually stops him, and Max is taken toRavencroft Institute.

The first symptoms of Harry’s illness show, and he uses the device Norman gave him to deduce that Spider-Man’s blood could help save him. He asks Peter, who has been selling photos of Spider-Man to the Daily Bugle, for help finding Spider-Man. Peter refuses, unsure of what effects the transfusion would have. The OsCorp board-members frame Harry for covering up Max’s accident, and remove him as CEO. Harry’s assistant, Felicia, informs him of equipment that could help him, so he makes a deal with Max (now calling himself Electro) to get him back inside the OsCorp building. There he finds a suit of armor and other equipment made by Norman, as well as venom from the now-destroyed genetically altered spiders. Instead of curing him, they transform him into a hideous, goblin-like creature.

Peter uses information left by his father to locate the video message in an abandoned subway station’s hidden lab. Richard explains he had to leave because he refused to cooperate with Norman Osborn’s biogenetic weaponization plans. Peter then hears a voicemail from Gwen, telling him she was offered the scholarship in England and is heading to the airport earlier than expected. He manages to catch her and professes his love for her, and they agree to go to England together. Electro causes another blackout, and Peter heads off to fight him. Gwen follows, and together they restore power and overload Electro’s body, killing him. Afterward, the transformed Harry arrives equipped with Norman’s armor and weaponry; upon seeing Gwen, Harry deduces Spider-Man’s true identity and, swearing revenge for being refused the blood transfusion, kidnaps her. He fights Spider-Man at the top of a clock tower. Spider-Man subdues Harry, but Gwen falls to her death, despite Spider-Man’s attempt to save her.

Five months later, Peter has given up being Spider-Man and often visits Gwen’s grave. Harry is healing from his transformations, and his associate Gustav Fiers (the “man in the shadows” from the first film) breaks Sytsevich out of prison and equips him with an electromechanical suit of armor. Calling himself the Rhino, he rampages through the streets. But a recording of Gwen’s graduation speech inspires Peter to return as Spider-Man and fight him.

Okay, let me preface this. I did enjoy this movie, but I have to say, it’s been my least enjoyable film of the franchise. I’ve seen worse superhero movies, and in fact, I’ve seen worse movies based on Marvel characters, but this is pretty fucking weak. Not just for Gwen’s stupid demise. BUT! There is still plenty to enjoy about this movie, this is not a movie so awful that it’ll have a longer list of cons than pros and that I feel the need to address the cons first. It’s still a pretty entertaining movie, but you may want turn your brain off on this one… And prepare yourself for anger when you realize Orci is writing a planned Venom movie with Kurtzman to direct…

But on the brighter side, it’s being cowritten by the writer of Men In Black and the Bill & Ted movies, with Drew Goddard, who did cowrote and directed Cabin In The Woods, set to writer and MAYBE direct The Sinister Six. So we may be in luck…

Keep in mind I said maybe though.

PROS:

• Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, and Sally Field are still great in their returning roles! Although between the three of them, Emma gets the least showy improvement. If you complained about Andrew’s Spidey still not getting enough jokes out, you’re needs will be more than satiated here. As for Sally? Well as Martin from Double Toasted put it at one point it seems like Sally forgot she was making a Spider-Man movie and gives a genuinely moving performance. Great job Mrs. Field!
• Paul Giamatti makes a delightfully (and intentionally) hammy performance as Aleksei Sytsevich AKA The Rhino. You know how a lot of actors play their Russian accents like this really low toned murmur but it sounds like their threatening you, Giamatti opts for the classic over the top angry and mocking kind of accent where he’s always going on and on about he’s going to crush you. When he gets into the actual rhino suit, it’s a delight to see Paul just trash the streets of New York! I know some folks are pissed they went with the robot suit, but I think it works. It’s also a little bit refreshing to see a bad guy in this franchise, who doesn’t become a bad guy because he goes crazy or because he hates spider-man, he was already a bad guy when he met spidey and was still a bad guy after he met him.
• Jamie Foxx’s Electro, in my opinion, doesn’t suffer from a poor motivation or characterization that turns on a dime, because it’s pretty clear this guy was already a bit off before his accident, so it makes sense that this accident would only emphasize that. It makes sense to me that the guy would feel betrayed by Spider-Man, in that, it doesn’t actually make any sense. By which I mean I, a presumably rational person, do not understand why someone would feel betrayed by their idol for simply not remembering my name after one encounter, so much so that they would want to kill them violently. BUT on the other hand, this guy is clearly already mentally ill, I can understand that this guy is making his own rationalizations for his own eschewed worldview. And that aside, while I personally didn’t care for the angle they took with him later, Foxx’s initial scene as Max Dillon is actually kind of heartwarming. The idea of this guy, who feels trampled upon daily, actually being made to feel important is kind of nice. And when he becomes Electro, good fuckity hell is he intimidating! I don’t think he’s the best villain of this franchise, but I think I rank him between Church’s Sandman and Giamatti’s Rhino, with Venom and the two Harrys in 7th, 8th and 9th place. The physical look of Electro is extremely well done as well, four for the guys on SFX team, you guys earned it!
• He’s only in the movie for five minutes, but Chris Cooper makes for a pretty good turn as Norman Osborn. He’s sufficiently creepy and he has the right mix of a critical attitude toward his son while also coming off like he genuinely cares for him.
• Dane DeHaan’s a better Harry than James Franco ever was, he has some great moments here, but he doesn’t get enough time to really properly show what he’s got. Undoubtedly though are his scenes from about the moment where he’s let go from the company to about the moment he teams up with Electro.
• Colm Feore doesn’t do a ton in the movie, but he’s a welcome presence and very enjoyable to watch,
• We finally figure out more of what that damn mystery they teased to us in Amazing Spider-Man 1 was! Thank you!
• Hans Zimmer does some of his best work here in collaboration with the Magnificent Six, who include the musicians, Pharrell Williams, Johnny Marr of the Smiths, Mike Einziger of Incubus, electronic artist, Junkie XL (who previously did music for this year’s 300: Rise of an Empire and Divergent), and up and coming composers, Steve Mazzaro (who previously did music for last year’s Bullet To The Head, starring Sylvester Stallone, Jason Momoa, and Sung Kang) and Andrew Kawczynzki. This arguably the best score ever made for a Spider-Man movie, it sounds so awesome! Give this theme a listen, it’s shorter than Elfman and Horner’s but it’s go such a great sound to it! But the real fun tune is Electro’s theme, they already showed a bit of it in the trailers with having Pharrell constantly going “Paranoia paranoia paranoia paranoia paranoia” whenever you see Electro on screen.
• They didn’t do it well, but I like the idea of Peter always seeing Captain Stacy whenever he’s with Gwen. You can tell it’s still on his mind that the Captain made him promise to leave Gwen out of his affairs and he’s breaking that promise.

CONS:

• Gwen Stacy’s death is the most telegraphed demise I’ve ever fucking seen in a cinema in my entire life. On graduation day she makes her valedictorian she makes a speech about how you live your life, then when Peter’s angsting about his failed relationship he listens to “Gone, Gone, Gone” by Philip Philips. Don’t know it? Well the chorus of the tune is “And I would do it for you, for you. Baby, I’m not moving on I love you long after you’re gone. For you, for you. You will never sleep alone. I love you long after you’re gone And long after you’re gone, gone, gone.“ Although, that’s not even what really pissed me off about that scene though. Raimi used popular music in his movies too, but you know what music he used? He used music that had already stood the test of time. These were songs people already kind of knew even if they were kind of old. Like the sequence in Raimi’s Spider-Man 2 where Peter just tries to go about his day as an ordinary schlub, after having given up being Spider-Man, they played "Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head” by BJ Thomas. I’m not gonna criticize Philip Philips or his song, I’m just saying, if you had to have that useless scene did you have to be playing a Billboard Top 40 hit? Couldn’t you have played something less recent or actually fit the scene?
• You might recall that earlier in the week, I made an early jab at this movie for basically aping the same origin story as Jim Carrey’s Riddler in Batman Forever, you know, nerd worships hero, nerd feels betrayed by hero, nerd becomes a bad guy because they now hate the hero. Only this time, it doesn’t seem like they’re doing that for a reason. The Incredibles, like a lot of Pixar films, had dozens upon dozens of references to other members of it’s genre. One of which, was the origin of the riddler. They were spoofing it. in Iron Man 3, the entire movie was in part an homage to 90’s action comedies, mostly because the director and cowriter of the movie is Shane Black, who wrote Lethal Weapon and The Last Action Hero. Here though, I don’t get it. It seems like they’re playing it sincerely, like you’re actually supposed to feel bad for this stalker guy when he becomes a super villain. It wasn’t even sincere when they first did in Batman Forever! They were playing it as a joke because it was Jim Carrey, and the fact both of Joel Schumacher’s Batman movies were supposed to be goofy comedies in the vein of basically Adam West’s Batman but 30 years later! Did you really think people were going to take this seriously? Because I certainly don’t!
• You know how I said Peter was basically seeing Captain Stacy all the time and that they didn’t do it well? Here’s why. The entire fucking time he’s just standing there staring at Peter in disapproval. Why? The visions of Uncle Ben worked in Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man sequels is because A. They did something different each time. And B. It was Uncle Ben actually telling Peter something or Peter visualizing something that might’ve happened. In Spider-Man 2 when Peter tells Uncle Ben that he is Spider-Man No More, it’s effective because it was Ben saying Peter needs to just power through and keep fighting the good fight, but Peter won’t listen because he’s tired of his life being shit. It’s like the moment in Batman: Mask of the Phantasm where Bruce is in front of his mother and father’s grave and he’s telling them that he can’t be Batman after all, because it’s different now, he’s happy with his life and he never foresaw that. Here, it’s not dramatic, it’s just stupid.
• Here’s another ding against Electro. During the incident at Time Square, we see Max transition into Electro, the change to villainy is pretty believable in my opinion at least. I can also buy that after being tortured and held captive for so long Max’s personality would become more sinister, but what I don’t buy is how suddenly Electro’s manner of speaking becomes totally different. He tells the scientists who torture him that they’d “better make damn sure” that they kill him this time or else he’ll be the one killing them, then later he tells Spider-Man during their final fight that he’ll be like a god to the people of New York. Where did these delusions of grandeur come from? I mean I guess they’re not delusions seeing as how, he has the ability to do that, but why does he suddenly have the desire to become like a god? I don’t get it.
• What was the point of shoehorning Green Goblin? Was it just to kill Gwen? Was it to set up for Sinister Six? Couldn’t you have done that in Part 3? He doesn’t really do anything and Harry’s back to normal at the end of the movie, and while he was here, he wasn’t all that scary.
• It feels too soon to kill Gwen. They should’ve waited for the third movie to pull that trigger. I feel like that way we would’ve known Gwen well enough to just be sad instead of feeling kind of cheated because we barely knew her at this rate.
• You know what Peter did after Gwen died? He sat in front of his girlfriend’s grave for five months… He didn’t throw himself into his heroics to honor her, he just sat down and waited until the combination of a peptalk from Aunt May, a posthumous message from Gwen, and when rhino showing up and started wrecking shit. Some hero you turned out to be Parker.
• I really hate how it’s most blatantly obvious that Aunt May knows Peter is Spidey and yet Peter is blissfully unaware of that fact and won’t just come out and tell her.
• The little kid at the end. I get what they were going for here, and I’m aware that this was actually Andrew’s idea, so I’ll not to be too harsh here, but I’m sorry dude, this just doesn’t work. The little kid just standing there while this homicidal gangster in a robot suit does nothing but mock him? No, in real life that could would be fucking dead. I’m sorry. I’m not saying the kid should’ve died, that’s not at all what I think should’ve happened. Here’s my idea, the little kid walks up to the Rhino, the Rhino fires in his direction to scare him, then it looks like Rhino’s actually gonna shoot him this time and Spidey sweeps in at the last second. No bantering, just getting to business because there are lives at stake.

All in all, this one was a disappointment. There are worse movies out right now that you could see. And there are going to be much worse movies out later this year, am I right Michael?

Yeah, that’s gonna suck a lot worse than anything this movie has to offer. So look, if you still want to see it, don’t let me discourage you. Go see it. See it in 3D or IMAX if you want! It deserves that treatment! But for, this was a big letdown. What folks thought of Man of Steel last year is what I think of this movie now. I’m gonna give The Amazing Spider-Man 2 a 6.2 out of 10.

I’ll be back on some other day to review some other thing. For now though I’m just gonna call it a day.

The Spider-Man Retrospective Series - The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

Written In May 2014

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

A young Peter Parker discovers his father Richard Parker’s study has been burgled. Gathering up hidden documents, Peter’s parents take him to the home of his Aunt May (Sally Field) and Uncle Ben (Martin Sheen), then mysteriously depart.

Years later, a teenaged Peter (Andrew Garfield) attends Midtown Science High School, where he is bullied by Flash Thompson (Chris Zylka) and has caught the eye of the beautiful Gwen Stacy(Emma Stone). At home, Peter finds his father’s papers and learns he worked with fellow scientist Dr. Curt Connors (Rhys Ifans) at Oscorp. Sneaking into Oscorp, Peter enters a lab where a “biocable” is under development from genetically modified spiders, one of which bites him. On the subway ride home, he discovers that he has developed spider-like abilities.

After studying Richard’s papers, Peter visits the one-armed Connors, reveals he is Richard Parker’s son and gives Connors his father’s “decay rate algorithm”, the missing piece in Connors’ experiments on regenerating limbs. Connors is being pressed by his superior, Dr. Ratha (Irrfan Khan), to devise a cure for the dying (but unseen) head of Oscorp, Norman Osborn. In school, Peter gets into trouble after a basketball challenge with Flash in which Peter accidentally shatters the backboard glass. His uncle changes work shifts to meet with the principal and asks Peter to replace him walking home with Aunt May that night. Peter gets distracted and helps Connors regenerate the limb of a laboratory mouse. Peter’s failure causes an argument with his uncle and he leaves. At a nearby deli, a cashier refuses to let Peter buy a chocolate milk since Peter is two cents short; when a thief suddenly raids the store, Peter indifferently observes. While searching for Peter, Uncle Ben attempts to stop the thief and is killed. The thief escapes as Peter finds Ben on the sidewalk.

Afterward, Peter uses his new abilities to hunt criminals matching the killer’s description. After a fall lands him inside an abandoned gym, a luchador-wrestling poster inspires him to create a mask to hide his identity. He adds a spandex suit and builds mechanical devices to attach to his wrists to shoot a biocable “web”. Peter accepts a dinner invitation from Gwen, where he meets and has a tense conversation with her father, police captain George Stacy (Dennis Leary), over Spider-Man’s motives. After dinner, Peter reveals his identity to Gwen and they kiss.

After seeing success with the mouse using lizardDNA, Ratha demands Connors begin human trials immediately if Osborn is to survive. Connors refuses to rush the drug-testing procedure and put innocent people at risk. Ratha fires Connors and decides to test Connors’ serum at a VA hospital under the guise of a flu shot. In an act of desperation, Connors tries the formula on himself. After passing out, he awakens to find his missing arm has regenerated. Discovering that Ratha is on his way to the VA hospital, Connors, whose skin is turning green and scaly, goes to intercept him. By the time he gets to the Williamsburg Bridge Connors has become a violent hybrid of lizard and man, tossing cars, including Ratha’s, over the side of the bridge. Peter, now calling himself Spider-Man, snatches each falling car with his web-lines.

Spider-Man suspects Connors is Lizard and unsuccessfully confronts the creature in the sewers. Lizard learns Spider-Man’s real identity via the name on an abandoned camera and follows Peter to school where they fight. In response, the police start a manhunt for both Spider-Man and Lizard. The police corner Spider-Man and Captain Stacy discovers that he is really Peter. Lizard plans to make all humans lizard-like by releasing a chemical cloud from Oscorp’s tower, to eliminate the weaknesses he believes plague humanity. Spider-Man confronts and battles the Lizard on the roof of Oscorp Tower and eventually disperses an antidote cloud instead, restoring Connors and earlier victims to normal, but not before Lizard mortally wounds Captain Stacy. Before his death, Captain Stacy makes Peter vow to keep Gwen safe by leaving her out of it. Peter initially does so by avoiding to go to Captain Stacey’s funeral, but later at school suggests to Gwen he may see her again.

In a closing-credits scene, Connors, in a prison cell, speaks with a man in the shadows who asks if Peter knows the truth about his father. Connors replies, “No”, and demands Peter be left alone before the man disappears.

Nothing anyone says or does is gonna make Spider-Man 4 happen. I’ve heard some fans talk about the idea of the two Spider-Men being in a movie together, which I’d love to see happen, but let’s face it folks, It won’t. You know what’s gonna happen when The Amazing Spider-Man 2 makes it’s money back, they’re gonna start pre-production on The Amazing Spider-Man 3. And you know what they’re gonna do if Marc Webb and Andrew Garfield don’t come back for Part 4? They’ll either recast or re-reboot. Unless TASM3 tanks at the box office so much that they have to sell the rights back to Marvel to make a profit on it. But that probably won’t happen because superhero movies are the in thing right now.

And regardless of whether or not we like the fact that we’ll have to see Peter Parker get bit by a different spider every few years, what we can accept is that right now, this reboot ain’t half bad. In fact, it’s pretty good. In fact, I’d say it’s better than Spider-Man 3. Not kind of better, but not a lot better, just… Better. Regardless of the behind the scenes stuff, this movie justifies it’s own existence. The movie looks us fans of the Raimi movies dead in the eye, and says, to quote Rhodey in Iron Man 2, “It’s me, and I’m here, so get over it and move on!”

I think the best way to put it is to actually get into my review, time for the pros and cons.

PROS:

• Andrew Garfield, this guy has said in every interview he’s ever done about Spider-Man that he adores the character, you can see the guy is having an absolute BALL! Playing this character! He brings such joy to the role that you just can’t help but adore every second you see his precious face. His joy is almost infectious, you just smile big whenever you see him as Spider-Man being Spider-Man! It’s energetic performance that even shines through in the more dramatic segments, such as when he and Uncle Ben are getting into it when Ben mentions that his father had personal philosophy about responsibility and Peter asks him where is his father, and even comments if responsibility was so important to him why the hell isn’t he here telling him why it’s important. Why the hell is his father not here. When I go see the sequel on my birthday, I shall not be wearing my “Fuck You Flip-Flops.”
• Emma Stone. Is there anything this girl can’t do? She is just delightful as Gwen, it’s not even that the character on the page is any good, not to discredit the writers, but it is purely Emma’s own energy and charm that makes this character great. I think if someone else had played this character, we may have had less of a rival for Kirsten’s Mary-Jane, and more of a rival to Mary-Sue. Again, not because the character is poorly written, but she’s made to be that sort of “I’m perfect at everything.” Type of character. She’s implied to the top of her class (I say implied because it’s never explicitly said, but she does note that Peter is SECOND in his class and she does have an internship at a major science research corporation and under the tutelage of a well respected scientist who has his own Wikipedia page, while also being one of the most popular and beautiful girls in her school, and is the only woman amazing enough to win the main hero’s affection. But guess what? Emma Stone destroys the very possibility that you could call this character here a Mary-Sue.
• I get the feeling, from the behind the scenes material, that Rhys Ifans was mailing it in as Doctor Conners/The Lizard, but if he truly was, then I’d file Rhys under “Actors Who Can Pull Fantastical Roles Despite Phoning It In!” Other actors I would put in are Alec Guinness as Ben Kenobi in the original Star Wars trilogy, Alan Rickman in anything, and Anthony Hopkins in the first Thor. He is incredibly likable when he first appears as Dr. Conners, and you even sort of get how incomplete he feels without his other arm. I don’t recall ever knowing an amputee, and I’m certainly not one myself, otherwise typing this would be even more difficult than getting you to actually care about what I think. But, I really get the feeling that this is the kind of guy who can maintain the sheen of a someone who has it all figured out, when in actuality they’re kind of broken and hoping to be fixed. And when he becomes The Lizard, good God is this guy intimidating. I can honestly say that while I don’t think he was as entertaining as Dafoe’s Goblin, sympathetic as Church’s Sandman, intriguing as Molina’s Doc Ock, or even as visually unnerving as Grace’s Venom, he is definitely the most intimidating and physically threatening of Spidey’s cinematic villains. And when he’s just not being the Lizard but still hopped on the serum, he’s a clearly unnerving presence, what with his going on about how pathetic normal humans are and such. And when he gets to finally turn it off after being cured, he seems genuinely appalled by what his actions have wrought. When he helps Peter back onto the building while falling, he takes a very brief moment to go over what just happened, then in horror he realizes he just killed a man. And not only did he kill any man, he killed a police captain who was the father of his best student! And his final scene, in the admittedly underwhelming post credits scene, you really feel his indignation when he tells the man in the shadows to leave Peter the hell alone.
• Dennis Leary as Captain George Stacy. This is fucking perfect casting for a smaller role, I haven’t seen a movie cop this good since… Well… Gary Oldman as Commissioner Gordon. He makes for a great cop and makes for a great cop dad. Also, I have a police detective for a close family member (my uncle) and Dennis kind of gives me a similar vibe as well. I thought a great highlight of him was his final scene where he tells Peter that he’s a good kid who’s bound to become a great man, but being a great man means making enemies, and having enemies means endangered loved ones, and endangered loved ones means him being with his daughter means he could end getting her killed. And so he tells her, leave her out of this.
• Martin Sheen. You know, I’m pretty sure this is still the only role I’ve seen Martin Sheen in and at the time I heard he was playing uncle Ben I didn’t know of his well known or well respected roles. At that point my only real thought was “The guy who raised the man who always says ‘winning’ is our new Uncle Ben, what could possibly go wrong?” Turns out, nothing went wrong. The guy was fantastic!
• Sally Field is terrific as Aunt May, seeing her here makes really reconsider if I would honestly call Rosemary the definitive May Parker because Goddamn does this woman feel motherly! She could give fucking Katara from Avatar a run for her money!
• Irrfan Khan pops for a little bit in this movie, he doesn’t really do much, but it’s neat to see a well respected Indian actor wear a suit and act like he’s the evil emperor’s messenger. And no, I’m not gonna make a Life of Pi joke because everyone else has already. Yes, it’s funny that Irrfan was in both movies and that the tiger’s name is Richard Parker which also happens to be the same as Peter’s father. I get it.
• I don’t normally bring up Stan Lee’s cameo in these movies but this one was just freaking hilarious! It’s not even great because it’s Stan Lee, although that does add to it, it’s also just so funny because it’s some old guy jamming to his classical music while right behind him are two comic book characters dooking it out.
• Young actor Chris Zylka does a pretty good job in a bit role as Peter’s high school tormentor/good friend, Flash Thompson, he’s done pretty much nothing I want to address due to either insignificance or my genuine distaste for, this guy show’s some real good chops and actually serves to make the character human, where as he’d previously just been relegated to an asshole with bigger muscles than Peter in the original Raimi film.
• Stone and Garfield have such amazing chemistry on screen, it’s really unsurprising when you realize that these two are actually in love in real life. The scene that actually convinced me to see this movie was a clip of Peter sort of babbling to Gwen trying to ask her out of on a date and some Gwen seems to realize what he’s saying and says yes. As she walks away to go about her own business, Peter does a little fist pump and then walks off his own way and does a little skip. It was so adorable.
• I previously said that I think Spider-Man 3 has the best action of the series. I stand corrected, THIS is the best action of the series. The production outright made it a point to rely on the actual actors and stunt guys and much less CG which is some that I greatly appreciate. I haven’t commented on it before, but there were times during the Raimi films where the midair sequences looked something out of the fucking Polar Express! But even then, they do really inventive things with the webbing that previously hadn’t been done in the other movies. Like when Peter outright wraps Conners as the Lizard up into a web like an actual Spider would it’s pray. It’s pretty inventive stuff really.
• James Horner’s score is kind of a mixed bag, there’s parts of it that I think are pretty good, and parts that really aren’t, but I do encourage you to give the theme a listen. It’s not quite as good as Elfman’s theme, but it’s pretty fun to listen to.

CONS:

• How the fuck does no one at Peter’s school talk about the fact that he threw a football so hard that it hit the goal post and actually dented it or the fact that he grabbed the basket on the basketball hoop so hard he broke the actual board!
• Kick. The. Gun! If you see a dangerous looking man trip and drop his weapon, don’t try to take it from him, make it so that he just can’t get to it. Ben, I know you don’t claim to be a smart man, but you’d have to be mentally impaired to actually believe it was a good idea to wrestle for the gun with the guy!
• “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” “But those are the best kind.”
• I know the guy behind the clerk bruised your ego Peter, but are you really so petty as to let the actual store lose money because the guy wouldn’t give you your chocolate milk? You fucking douche.
• The vigilante story arc I don’t get. Peter’s motivator has never been vengeance, it’s always been guilt. When Peter sees this crook’s face and sees that son of a bitch who killed his uncle is the same guy he let get away, he’s supposed to feel like a piece of shit. He’s supposed to realize that him being selfish cost his uncle’s life. Instead, it comes off almost like Peter feels betrayed or something. I helped this guy and then he kills my uncle, what the fuck!?!?

All in all, I’d say this was the start to a great new series. I don’t have many dislikes, and another point that I like, that I hand’t mentioned earlier, is the fact that this is a new director! This is Marc Webb’s second movie ever, before this he’d done a romantic comedy called (500) Days of Summer with JGL and Zooey Deschanel and a bunch of music videos, which are actually some of my favorite videos.

My Chemical Romance’s I’m Not Okay, Helena, Ghost Of You, and Teenagers, Green Day’s 21 Guns, and All American Rejects’ Move Along and Gives You Hell. This guy is a promising talent, and so are Emma and Andrew, if these movies don’t work out ultimately, I really hope that these guys all manage to get work elsewhere.

I’m gonna give The Amazing Spider-Man an 8.1 out of 10.

The Spider-Man Retrospective Series - Spider-Man 3 (2007)

Written In May 2014

This movie does not suck. Can we just get that out of the way real quick. There are parts of this movie on par with the likes of Batman & Robin, but guess what? There are also parts of this movie on par with Batman Begins and The Dark Knight! And there are also parts of this movie that sit somewhere in between. And given what was going on behind the scenes on this one, it’s a miracle that the feel turned out the way it did, because if you think this movie is bad, it could’ve been MUCH much worse. This could’ve surpassed Batman & Robin level bad gone strait into Howard The Duck and Steel bad! What happened you ask?

Well, Sam Raimi is a known fan of classic Spider-Man. As in Spidey circa when STAN LEE was still writing the book. He was never a huge fan of the later versions of the character by other people. Meaning when we got into Venom and the alien costume, well, that stuff just wasn’t his cup of tea. So when producer, Avid Arad, came to Sam saying “Dude, you know what fans would EAT UP? Mother. Fucking. Venom!” Sam said “Uh, no, I think I’ll just do Sandman instead, thanks for the advice though.” But Avi and Sony decided to twist Sam’s arm about because Venom would sell tickets. Given that this is the highest grossing movie of the franchise so far despite mixed reception, they weren’t wrong.

So the three of the said “Fuck it, we’ll do both.” But then that left the question of “What about Harry? I mean, aren’t most folks expecting him to become the Green Goblin in the next movie or something?” A question which they decided to work on addressing in an early screenplay for this movie that started being written in ‘04 after the last movie came out. In other words, fucking commercialism ruined the movie. Why don’t you think about that while I read you this synopsis.

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Peter Parker plans to propose to Mary Jane Watson, who had just made her Broadway musical debut. A meteorite crashes near the two in Central Park, and an extraterrestrial symbiote attaches itself to Peter’s moped. While fleeing police, escaped prisoner Flint Marko falls into a particle accelerator that fuses his body with surrounding sand, allowing him to shapeshift at will as the Sandman. Peter’s best friend, Harry Osborn, who knows Peter is Spider-Man and blames him for his father’s death, attacks Peter using weapons based on his father’s Green Goblin technology. Harry injures his head and suffers partial amnesia, forgetting that Peter is Spider-Man and his desire for revenge. During a festival honoring Spider-Man, Marko robs an armored car. NYPD Captain George Stacy tells Peter and Aunt May that Marko was Uncle Ben’s killer, and Dennis Carradine was only an accomplice. While a vengeful Peter sleeps, the symbiote bonds with him. Peter wakes up hanging from a skyscraper. His costume changes and his powers enhance, but the symbiote brings out Peter’s dark side. Wearing the new black suit, Spider-Man locates Marko and battles him in a subway tunnel, reducing him to mud using water.

Mary Jane, whose career is floundering, is humiliated by Peter’s changed personality and she finds solace with Harry. Urged on by a hallucination of his father, Harry regains his memory and blackmails Mary Jane to break up with Peter, threatening Peter’s life. After Mary Jane tells Peter she is in love with another man (under Harry’s direction), Harry meets with Peter and claims to be “the other guy”. Later, Peter, wearing the black suit, confronts Harry and battles him. Harry throws a pumpkin bomb at Peter, who deflects it back, disfiguring Harry’s face.

Under the symbiote’s influence, Peter exposes Eddie Brock, a rival photographer at the Daily Bugle, by submitting doctored photographs showing Spider-Man as a criminal. Furious at having to print a retraction, J. Jonah Jameson dismisses Eddie. Meanwhile, the Sandman recovers from his injuries.

To make Mary Jane jealous, Peter brings Gwen Stacy, a woman Brock believes is his girlfriend, to the nightclub where Mary Jane works; Brock secretly sees them and assumes they are dating. Gwen catches on and storms out. Peter brawls with the bouncers and, after mistakenly hitting Mary Jane, realizes the symbiote is changing him. He retreats to a church bell tower. While trying to remove the symbiote costume, he hits the church’s bell, weakening the alien and making it easier to remove. Peter tears the symbiote off and it falls to the lower tower, landing on Brock, who is praying for Peter’s death. The symbiote transforms Brock into Venom and he accepts his new form. Venom finds the Sandman and offers to join forces in which he agrees.

Mary Jane hails a taxicab but Brock hijacks it and hangs it and a dump truck from a web hundreds of feet above a sand-filled construction site. Peter seeks Harry’s help but is rejected. A crowd of people watch as Peter battles Brock. Harry learns the truth about his father’s death from his butler and goes to help Peter. Peter is eventually overwhelmed by the villains and is on the brink of being killed when Harry appears. Harry temporarily subdues a gigantic incarnation of the Sandman, breaking him apart. Brock webs Harry’s glider, causing it to bump into some pipes, making sonic vibrations that weaken the symbiote. Peter recalls the church bells weakening it previously. Brock tries impaling Peter with Harry’s glider, but Harry sacrifices himself by jumping in the way and getting himself fatally injured. Peter forms a ring of pipes around Venom, creating a wall of sonic vibrations. The alien releases Brock, and Peter pulls Brock away from the creature, which can now live on its own. Peter throws a pumpkin bomb from Harry’s glider at the symbiote, but Brock moves to re-bond with it and both are killed by the blast.

Marko reveals that he never intended to kill Ben, but only wanted his car and accidentally shot him when Dennis grabbed his arm, and says that Ben’s death has haunted him since. Peter forgives Marko, who dissolves into sand and floats away. Peter and Harry forgive each other before Harry dies with Mary Jane and Peter at his side. Days later, Peter visits the jazz club where Mary Jane is singing, and they begin mending their relationship.

So another thing you might’ve noticed is that the score sounded kind of different this time around. Let me show you guys something. This is the theme from the first movie. This is the theme from the second movie. These themes were both done by Danny Elfman, who up until this movie was known for having a regular affair with Sam. I say he was having an affair because we all know that he, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp, and Helena Bonham Carter all have a polygamous relationship with each other. BUT! Apparently, for undisclosed reasons, Danny got real tired of Sam’s shit and said he’s done with him. Although they kissed and made up some time between Drag Me To Hell and Oz The Great And Powerful, because Danny did the score for that one again. So who did this score?

Meet Christopher Young, best known for his work on Nightmare On Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge, Tales From The Hood, and the Hellraiser series, which itself is best known for this handsome fellow.

If you’re like me, and you don’t really care for horror, you know this guy best as another creep you see in Halloween Shops during October. So cutting to the chase, how’s his score? Well, have a listen for yourself.

Seems to have a certain affinity for french horns, but still pretty awesome. Any other stuff I feel like bringing before I talk about the important stuff in the movie? Well, I feel like it’d be wrong of me not to note that the actor who played Uncle Ben throughout this trilogy, Cliff Robertson, tragically passed away of natural causes in late 2011, the man was 88. I bring this up here because his cameo here was his last role. I think it was a nice note to go out on I’d say.

Rest well good sir, thanks for being such a great Uncle Ben, and being there to remind us every so often that with great power there must indeed come great responsibility. RIP.

PROS:

• While the previous movie allowed Tobey to really stretch his dramatic muscles, this time around the got to showcase his diversity as an actor. We see him playing the standard Peter and Spidey, you know, the adorkable nerd and the goodhearted but snarky hero. But we also get to see him playing shades of aggression and even outright hatefulness. Like the scene where he seemingly kills Flint Marko and outright attacks the man who only hours earlier would’ve called his best friend. What the movie chose to do with the black suit is arguably not the best choice at times, what with the jazz scene and the snapping his fingers and sort of strutting down the sidewalk, it did still manage to showcase Peter as a genuinely antagonistic character, managing to really tap into what we usually love about characters like Wolverine, or The Punisher, or Batman, but puts off when we see Spider-Man do. Four for you Tobey, four for you.
• I think this is James Franco’s best during the series, we get to see him play pretty much three characters here. 1) The vengeful young man who seeks to murder the man he believes kills his father, and is so hellbent on his destruction that he refuses to listen to reason. 2) The genuinely kind amnesiac, who is delighted to be relearning his life and rekindling his old friendships. 3) The superhero/sidekick who helps his best friend defeat the bad guys. I still don’t think he’s a particularly great actor, but I think the cafe scene and the second fight are career highlights in my opinion.
• Thomas Haden Church makes for a terrific Sandman, and I will hear no argument to the contrary. He’s terrific in the sympathetic scenes and he’s fantastic in the bad guy scenes. The scene where he visits his daughter and gets into an argument with his wife is a highlight of the film, and the scene where Marko has to reassemble himself may well be a highlight of cinema in general. That could’ve been it’s own short film.
• I think the script kind of lets Kirsten down here, but you really get the impression that this girl is really unhappy with her life. She tries to tell her boyfriend she feels like crap, but all does is use to talk about how awesome being a superhero is. A great scene of Peter and MJ, and probably the best in this movie, was the scene where MJ has to tell Peter that the critics obliterated her and she confesses that when she reads this harsh review, she feels like her father wrote it. Her father he repeatedly called worthless throughout her life. Kind of makes me want to take it easier on some actors I dislike.
• Topher Grace does a really good job with this material, he’s not exactly the Eddie Brock from the comics, but I don’t especially care. The script and the actor make Eddie out to be… Basically a nice guy version of Peter. You know what I’m talking about, the kind of douches who complain about how women he likes “friendzone” him. That sort of entitled prick who thinks just because he kisses ass thinks the universe owes him what he wants. I kinda dig that.
• James Cromwell pops up as Captain Stacy here. He doesn’t do anything but it’s James Cromwell and he gets to be a police captain, so that’s a pro.
• Bryce Dallas Howard, daughter of the famed Hollywood Director, Ron Howard, does some pretty great work here as Gwen Stacy. She’s obviously nowhere near the role we’re gonna get in the reboot, but she does a great job at playing this sort of fantasy girl who is a dimwitted bimbo or somehow a bitch, as is the temptation when introducing a romantic rival. In fact, whenever she’s in a scene with MJ she’s nothing but good to her. When she first meets her she’s like “OH MY GOD! You’re the girl my friend goes on and on about! It’s so good to meet you!” And when Peter uses her to humiliate MJ, she apologizes to her and leaves.
• The action is definitely in top form on this one. CGI is terrific throughout the movie and you can see the money on the screen. And being the most expensive film ever made at the time of its’ release (inflation unadjusted), it had better fucking be there!
• It’s always bugged me that the black Spidey suit and the Venom suit don’t actually have the webbing like the classic red and blue suit. So I actually really liked the change here, and it also really works when you realize that Venom is pretty much supposed to be a monstrous version of Spider-Man.
• JK Simmons still kills it as J. Jonah Jameson.

CONS:

• They handle it well here, but I can’t help but hate amnesia subplots. And what bugs me also is how selective the amnesia seems to be, Harry can’t remember if he has a girlfriend or not, but he remembers that Peter and MJ are his best friends. He can’t remember much about his father, but he seems to remember having once written a play for Mary-Jane in high school. That’s dumb.
• The strutting scene is on par with Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze in Batman & Robin. Hilarious, and awful. Very awful.
• I really hate that they chose to telegraph the fact that Harry was gonna die at the end. “I’d give my life for them.” Of all people Sam, you should know better than telegraph a character death. You of all people should know that a character’s death is most impactful when you DON’T see it coming!
• This freaking butler!
  
  
  Why is it that we had to have a one-off minor character have to be the one to tell Harry, “Your father killed himself.” Wouldn’t it have been better to have a quick exchange between Harry and Peter when he asks his help where Peter apologizes for fucking up his face and explains that he never killed his father. Then Harry tells him to leave. Harry sees the carnage his best friend is enduring and then decides, “I can’t let him do that alone.” Then we get an uneasy alliance with the two only working together to help MJ.
• Why does MJ never just outright tell Peter, “I’ve been let go because all the critics hated me.” Why doesn’t she cut him off when he’s going on and on and on about how amazing it is to be Spider-Man, especially coming from a picked on kid in high school. Why does she only get mad at him for not caring about something she hasn’t even bothered to tell him? I’m sure Peter would try to be sympathetic to her and even apologize for being so big headed about things.
• Speaking of which, when MJ tells Peter that when she sees words written in negative reviews, she feels like her father penned them, why is it that when the police radio goes off, Peter tries to make a joke gets his costume on and then apologizes. How come he doesn’t say, “We’ll talk later MJ, but I need to take care of this. I’m really sorry.”
• That freaking Gwen kiss. I get why Peter did it, but I don’t get why Peter tries to dance around it when MJ brings it up. I get that Peter was thinking about showmanship at that moment, like “Hey, give the people what they want to see!” But why does he try to play innocent about the whole thing, he was being thoughtless and kind of a dick, be a good boyfriend and say “MJ, that was only a stage kiss. That girl is only a friend, she isn’t the same as what we have.”
• I get why hitting Mary-Jane is what makes Peter snap out of it, but it still pisses me off. He assumed he killed a man, and while the fact that he goes to Harry for help implies he didn’t think he killed Harry, he still knows that he scarred him badly. Why isn’t it when Aunt May tells him that she doesn’t believe in vengeance, he doesn’t stop to think “What did I just do?”
• I can live with the silly logic of the Venom-Sandman team up, but what I don’t like is the fact that Peter still lets Flint get away. When he confesses that he killed Uncle Ben and Peter says he forgives him, he lets the guy just fly away. Dude! Even if you recognize what happened to your uncle was a horrible accident, he’s still a criminal who needs to be locked up! C’mon!
• I can live with the idea of making another man kill Uncle Ben, but I won’t deny it’s a bit of a stretch. Still, it’s nowhere near as awful as what they did in Batman ‘89.
  
  
  That is undeniably stupid.

All in all, I have my issues with this movie, and I can definitely say now that it’s not my favorite of the old series, but I’ll still defend it. Why? Because it’s a good fucking movie! It’s nowhere near as great as the last two movies, but that’s a pretty fucking tall order. I like The Amazing Spider-Man, but do I think it’s better than the first two movies, hell no! Am I looking forward to seeing it’s sequel? Absolutely! Do I think it’ll exceed it’s predecessor? Maybe, we’ll see. Do I think it’ll exceed Spider-Man 1 or 2? Not in a million years. But do I think I can sit down and watch this movie and enjoy it unironically? Totally!

I’m gonna give Spider-Man 3, a 7.6 out of 10.

The Spider-Man Retrospective Series - Spider-Man 2 (2004)

Written In May 2014

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Peter Parker struggles to balance his crime-fighting duties as Spider-Man with the demands of his normal life. Estranged from both love interest Mary Jane Watson and best friend Harry Osborn, who intends to seek revenge on Spider-Man for his father Norman’s death, Peter additionally discovers his Aunt May is facing foreclosure.

Harry, now head of Oscorp’s research division, sponsors the brilliant nuclear scientist Otto Octavius, who, dreaming of perfecting sustained fusion power, wears a harness of powerful robotic tentacle arms with artificial intelligence while conducting his research. When a power spike causes an experiment to destabilize rapidly, Octavius stubbornly refuses to shut the experiment down, leading to disastrous consequences: his wife is killed, the neural inhibitor chip which keeps the arms from influencing his mind is destroyed and the arms are fused to his spine. Spider-Man arrives and shuts down the experiment before it can do any further damage.

At a hospital, doctors prepare to surgically remove Octavius’ arms and harness, but the arms, having developed sentience from the inhibitor chip’s destruction, spring to life and attack the medical crew, killing most of them. Upon regaining consciousness and seeing the carnage, Octavius escapes and hides at a harbor. The arms convince him to retry the experiment. To fund it, Octavius — now called Doctor Octopus by the Daily Bugle — robs a bank.

After Peter misses Mary Jane’s debut play, she, in retaliation, becomes engaged to astronautJohn Jameson, son of Bugle chief J. Jonah Jameson. Peter suffers an emotional breakdown causing him to believe he’s lost his powers. He abandons his Spider-Man identity and returns to his normal life while trying to reconcile with Mary Jane.

A garbageman brings Spider-Man’s costume to J. Jonah Jameson, who takes credit for Spider-Man’s disappearance. Peter tells Aunt May that his Uncle Ben’s death some time ago was his fault. May forgives him, but when his 9-year-old neighbor learns of Spider-Man’s disappearance and the subsequent rising crime rate in New York City, Peter becomes concerned.

Octavius needs tritium to fuel his reactor and goes to Harry to demand it. Harry initially refuses because the experiment threatens to level the city, but he eventually agrees in exchange for Spider-Man and tells him that Peter, who is supposedly good friends with Spider-Man, is the key to finding him. However, Harry tells Octavius not to harm Peter. Octavius finds Peter, tells him to find Spider-Man, and abducts Mary Jane. Peter realizes his powers are restored and dons his costume again after stealing it from the Bugle.

As Spider-Man battles Octavius, they fall onto a rapid transit R train. Octavius disables the controls and jumps off. Spider-Man stops the train before the track ends. When he faints from exhaustion, the passengers carry him into one of the cars. He comes to and realizes his mask is off, but the passengers are so grateful they vow not to reveal what he looks like. Octavius returns, demanding Spider-Man, and subdues the passengers. After knocking out Spider-Man, Octavius delivers him to Harry.

After giving Octavius the tritium, Harry prepares to kill Spider-Man, only to be shocked to see it is really Peter. Peter convinces him greater things are at stake, and Harry reveals Octavius’ location. Spider-Man arrives at the doctor’s waterfront laboratory and tries to rescue Mary Jane discreetly. One of Octavius’ tentacles senses him, and they fight. Spider-Man ultimately subdues Octavius, reveals his identity, and convinces Octavius to let go of his dream for the greater good. Octavius finally commands the tentacles to obey and drowns the fusion reactor, along with himself, in the Hudson River. Mary Jane discovers Spider-Man’s true identity and feelings, as well as why they cannot be together. Spider-Man returns Mary Jane to John and leaves.

Harry is visited by a vision of his father, pleading for Harry to avenge his death. Refusing to hurt Peter, Harry shatters the mirror, revealing a secret room containing the Green Goblin’s equipment. On her wedding day, Mary Jane admit her true feelings for Peter. They kiss, hear a police chase, and she encourages him to respond as Spider-Man.

 PROS:

• Tobey, Kirsten, Rosemary, and James all do the same great work they did last movie, in fact I’d say it’s arguably that having slightly meatier roles this time around gives them a little more stretching room, although I’d still say Franco is the weakest of the bunch. That final scene with him throwing a knife at his father’s reflection screaming “No!” Just felt kind of off to me, but then again, a lot of great actors sound kind of stupid just screaming no. Take for example, this scene.
  
  
  That was fucking James Earl Jones delivering that line! Don’t feel too bad that James Franco sounded kind of stupid saying the same line here.
• Alfred Molina as Doctor Octopus. This guy is right on par with Dafoe’s Goblin, I don’t like him as much as Dafoe, but I think Dafoe is a flawless human being so I think that’d be disappointing no matter what. But I really like the set up stuff for him before he actually becomes Doc Ock. You see this guy is a brilliant but arrogant man who clearly cares about the world around him. A little detail I kinda liked was when he was talking to Peter about his lady troubles he notes that the perfect way to make a woman fall in love with you is poetry. He makes no illusion to sex or make a lowbrow gag about getting into a girl’s pants, he only speaks about love. Affection, not lust. Speaking from the heart you have one, not thinking with your cock because you are one. I kinda liked that. But! When he switches into bad guy mode, he rocks at it. He plays Ock with a certain dry dark humored wit, like the scene where he’s holding Aunt May hostage and Spidey demands that he hand her to him, he replies “Of course.” Slowly handing him to her but letting go of her right before Peter can actually lay a finger on her. He then mock apologizes saying “Butter fingers.” Also cool, is the fact that a lot of the time the arms weren’t done with CG. They were done with puppets. I could go on and on about this actor’s performance as this character, but I won’t bother. It speaks for itself.
• The Ditkovichs. I don’t know what it is about these two, but there’s something I genuinely adore about this immigrant father and daughter duo. I can’t quite tell whether Ursula has a romantic crush on Peter or just has one of those friend crushes, you know where you meet someone and you just think “Oh, I really want to be this person’s friend, but they’re too cool! Oh, should I talk to them, or should I not? Oh, I don’t know what to do!” Something like that. While Mr. Ditkovich is just the funniest thing to me. He’s always busting Peter’s balls about the damn rent. I especially love the bit where Peter has to use the apartment restroom for a shower and knocks because he’s polite, and Mr. Ditkovich just walks right past him and heads on in, he then opens the door back up and goes “Rent?” And Peter doesn’t even verbally react, he just closes the freaking door on him. I laughed hard at that, I’m not even sure why.
• I think Spider-Man 3 has the best action of the series, but Spider-Man 2 is no slouch in this respect, I can assure you. Not only is the aforementioned train fight kick ass, the bank fight is pretty epic too. Also, can I just say, that bit with the umbrella to face, you go Aunt May!
• The title sequence was pretty cool in the first movie, but I love how this one recaps that last movie in a montage of artwork by none other than the great comic book artist and painter, the man himself… Alex Ross!
  
  
  And with Danny Elfman’s kick ass theme playing over it! Seriously, I forgot to put that as a pro last time, I’m not forgetting this time. Give it a listen! It’s like a fucking James Bond credits sequence! God!
• Dylan Baker’s quick appearance as Dr. Conners is a nice nod to comic fans and I really wish that we’d gotten to see him become the Lizard. You get the feeling he knows something is up with Peter but respects his personal business enough to actually ask, but still feels utterly confused why this clearly brilliant student is fucking up his classes so badly!
• JK Simmons is still awesome. In fact, he may have become even MORE awesome!
• The cameos from Willem Dafoe and Cliff Robertson as Norman and Uncle Ben respectively are fantastic and well done, I also find it interesting that both appeared in visions to their respective sons telling them to act in a direction they both refuse to take course on. I don’t know if that was intentional on the part of Sam Raimi and the writers, but it sure is an interesting rhyme, especially given the thematic rhyme it has with Norman attempting (intentionally or not) to take up Ben’s place as Peter’s father figure and Peter ultimately refusing to accept him as such.
• Speaking of Norman, I freaking loved the final scene of Harry throwing the knife at the mirror and walking through it to find his father’s old laboratory where he stored his weapons and armor as the Green Goblin. You just know that if this movie was made today this would’ve been a post credits scene like the Bucky scene at the end of Captain America: The Winter Soldier was, and that actually makes me glad they didn’t do that. I like that they made you want to see the next movie with the movie you’re watching now. I mean that’s kind of the real logic of the sequel isn’t it? People loved this story, let’s expand upon it and see if they like it too.
• During the very last scene of the movie, MJ tells Peter that she understands why he says that they can’t be together, but asks him why she can’t respect him enough to make her own decision. She loves this man and wants to be with him, she doesn’t give a damn if she’s going to be put in danger, she’ll face it if means they’ll be together. I like this scene because it again shows the realism of what a superhero couple would be like. If you truly love someone, are you going to genuinely care when they have to go out to risk their life? No, you’re not. Ask the spouse of any police officer or firefighter.
• I really dug the plot of Peter losing his powers because of his lack of confidence, and I really like how when he assumes he’s lost them for good, he actually tries to pursue the things he previously had little time for. But the minute he realizes that he simply can’t not be a hero, he actually takes a moment of introspection. He outright asks “Am I not supposed to have what I want? What I need? What am I supposed to do?” You can feel the frustration in it, and it’s really great subtle acting from Tobey. Here is a guy who at one point thought his entire purpose in life was being a hero, then he let himself think “Maybe, I can just be Peter Parker. Maybe, I’m not supposed to be climbing walls.” And then here he is, feeling his powers coming back, and knowing that he can’t keep kidding himself. He is a hero. He’s mad at himself, he’s mad at his life, and if you wanna go there, he’s probably even mad at God. :You’re the one who allowed these things to happen to me, You’re the one who allowed for me to lose my power, You’re the one who made me so that I must be heroic then You made me not be that now You’re making me be that again. What is Your logic!“ I love it.
• If there’s one last time I’m gonna suck Tobey Maguire’s dick, it’s the scene where he admits to Aunt May that Uncle Ben’s death was his fault. He knows he can’t outright say where he was, what he went to do, and what he did after that, but he still wants to tell her what happened. And I love Rosemary’s reaction. It’s just so cold. She gets up out of her seat, she doesn’t even look at Peter, she just gets up, turns around, and quietly goes upstairs. She’s emotionally exhausted as is, she probably didn’t need her nephew to admit he was indirectly responsible for her husband’s death.

CONS:

• It’s always annoyed me that Harry automatically assumed Spider-Man had killed his father even though his track record as a heroic figure suggests more than likely he was just bringing a dead man home to his family, because said man was a public figure, but it really annoys me that he still thinks this two years after the fact! Dude, why the fuck would a guy who risks his life to stop crimes every day want to kill your father?
• If you thought Man of Steel used to much Christ Symbolism, and that this scene was the biggest offender
  
  
  Then I kindly refer you to this scene here. 
  
  Yeah… And here’s a question, how the fuck is Spider-Man in anyway like Jesus? I get the comparison with Superman, but why Spidey? Come to think of it, what’s with the superhero comparisons to Jesus anyways? Did Peter Parker or Clark Kent ever die for our sins?
  
  Oh… Well then… Uh…

To be honest, I can’t think of why I said I like this film less than the others because just sitting here talking to you about really makes me love it! I love Spider-Man 2, I think it’s arguably one of the best superhero movies ever made! Right up there with Dark Knight and Avengers in my opinion! I’m gonna give Spider-Man 2 a 9.3 out of 10!

The Spider-Man Retrospective Series - Spider-Man (2002)

Written In May 2014

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

High-school senior Peter Parker visits a genetics laboratory with his friend Harry Osborn and Peter’s love interest, Mary Jane Watson. There, Peter is bitten on the hand by a genetically engineered "super spider". Shortly after arriving home to his Aunt Mayand Uncle Ben, he is rendered unconscious. Meanwhile, Harry’s father, scientist Norman Osborn, owner of Oscorp, is attempting to preserve his company’s critically important military contract. He experiments on himself with a new but unstable performance-enhancing chemical vapor that increases his speed, strength, and stamina. However, it also drives him insane and he kills his assistant, Mendel Stromm. The next morning, Peter finds that his previously impaired vision has improved and that his body hasmetamorphosized into a more muscular physique. At school, he finds his body producing webbing and that his quickened reflexes let him avoid injury during a confrontation with bully Flash Thompson. Peter discovers he has developed superhuman speed, strength, the ability to stick to surfaces, and a heightened ability to sense danger.

Brushing off Uncle Ben’s advice that “With great power comes great responsibility,” Peter enters a wrestling tournament to get money to buy a car and impress Mary Jane. He wins his match, but the promoter cheats him out of the contest money. When a thief steals money from the promoter, Peter allows the thief to escape. He later discovers his Uncle Ben has been carjacked and shot dead. Peter confronts the carjacker only to realize it was the same thief he let get away. After Peter disarms him, the fleeing carjacker falls out a window and dies. Meanwhile, Norman Osborn kills several scientists and the military’s General Slocum.

Upon graduating school, Peter begins using his abilities to fight injustice, donning a costume and the persona of Spider-Man. Newspaper editor J. Jonah Jameson hires as afreelancephotographer, since Peter is the only person providing clear images of Spider-Man.

Norman, upon learning Oscorp’s board members plan to sell the company, assassinates them at the World Unity Fair. Jameson quickly dubs the mysterious killer the Green Goblin. The Goblin offers Spider-Man a place at his side, but Spider-Man refuses. At the Osborn and Parkers' Thanksgiving dinner, Norman, unknown to Peter, deduces Spider-Man’s true identity; the Green Goblin subsequently attacks and hospitalizes Aunt May.

Mary Jane admits she has a crush on Spider-Man, who has rescued her on numerous occasions, and she asks Peter whether Spider-Man ever asked about her. Harry, who loves Mary Jane, arrives and learns she does not feel likewise toward him. Devastated, Harry tells his father that Peter loves Mary Jane, unintentionally revealing Spider-Man’s biggest weakness.

The Goblin holds Mary Jane and a Roosevelt Island Tram car full of children hostage alongside the Queensboro Bridge. He forces Spider-Man to choose who he wants to save, and drops Mary Jane and the children. Spider-Man manages to save both Mary Jane and the tram car, while the Goblin is pelted by civilians showing loyalty to Spider-Man. The Goblin then grabs Spider-Man and throws him into an abandoned building where they fight. When the Goblin boasts of how he will later kill Mary Jane, an enraged Spider-Man overpowers the Goblin, unmasking him.

Norman begs for forgiveness, but his Goblin persona attempts to remote-control his glider to impale Spider-Man. The superhero avoids the attack, causing the glider to impale Norman instead, finally killing him. In his dying breath, Norman tells Peter not to tell Harry about his crimes. Spider-Man takes Norman’s body back to Osborn’s house and hides the Green Goblin’s equipment. At Norman’s funeral, Harry swears vengeance toward Spider-Man, believing him responsible for killing his father, and asserts that Peter is all he has left. Mary Jane confesses to Peter she is in love with him, but Peter, feeling that he must protect her from the unwanted attentions of Spider-Man’s enemies, hides his true feelings and tells her that they can only be friends. As Peter leaves the funeral, he recalls Ben’s words about responsibility, and accepts his new life as Spider-Man.

PROS:

• Tobey Maguire! I’m sorry, but with all due respect to Andrew Garfield, this guy IS Peter Parker! He’s such amazing dork! Some folks criticize the movie for failing to make the dorkiness more charming, but that’s the point! He’s a socially awkward super nerd! Peter Parker has always been a surrogate for the audience who loves him, other nerds, he’s never meant to be who we wish we were as Peter, in fact his entire point has always been out of the costume he pretty much is us… Minus the fact that he managed to score with two women more gorgeous than any of us could ever aspire to date.
  
  Now who here thinks they could ever date someone as attractive as these two? Yeah, I don’t think so.
• Kirsten Dunst as Mary-Jane. Now before we get into why she’s a pro here, let’s talk about something else real quick. Mary-Jane and Gwen Stacy, and many of Peter’s other love interests were created in the 1960’s. These characters were not intended to be actual characters at the time of their creation, they were created to be love interests because if you didn’t have a female character in superhero comics, morons would assume said superhero is gay and throw a fit and get your book banned, and also because the old white guys who were writing the girls didn’t know a damn thing about how to write women who weren’t love interests. So that being said, these characters weren’t that important when they were created, over time writers have tried to add to their characters retroactively to limited success. Sometimes it worked, others… Well…. Not so much… But regardless, when Sam Raimi and writer, David Koepp, decided to add to MJ’s story by saying she comes from a family who frequently argues and a father that outright calls her worthless as she’s starting to walk to school, some folks were pissed that they took such a deliberate liberty. I call bullshit. They didn’t take liberties with the character, they made a character. Raimi and Koepp weren’t working from the modern comics at the time, they were working from the classic Stan Lee-Steve Ditko books that they’d both grown up on. An issue I’ve always taken with comic book fans who complain about superhero movies is how they always focus on the superficial details and not “Does it work with the story they’re telling and does it do justice to the thing I love?” MJ in the 60’s was just a sexy ass broad who Peter managed to score a date with, here she’s a girl who comes from a difficult home life but does her best to smile about it anyway. She won’t take people’s bullshit outside her home life because she get’s enough of that at home. Take for example the early scene where the bus refuses to stop for Peter, everyone but MJ is just laughing their ass of at this poor nerd running like hell to catch up screaming at them to please stop already, MJ quickly decides enough is enough and runs right to driver and tells him to let him on already. And in my opinion, Kirsten nails that! You see why Peter is so in love with her, but you also see her genuine faults, while she’s able and willing to stand up to bullies she has a bit of a problem with seeing things through a somewhat childish lens. She was great, the character was great, and if you disagree, you can eat me.
  
  
  
  Or you could just acknowledge that while you disagree with my opinion, I’m entitled to it and move on with your life, that’s cool too.
• I have no defined opinion of James Franco as an actor, I think he’s a talented guy who does a good work all the time, but I’ve never see him do anything particularly great. I feel weird about the guy because all I can really think of with him is Harry Osborn despite the fact that he’s clearly moved on from the role. But regardless, he does some really good work here. I also like the chemistry he and Tobey have, you can tell that these are two guys who genuinely care about one another, but Harry’s so selfish and egocentric that he legitimately makes Peter question why he still hangs out with this guy. You can tell also that he really respects and admires his father, but you get the impression it’s less because of what his father does for him or just plain what he does for a living, and more just because “He’s my father.” You especially get that in the scene where he just got done arguing with Norman about the fact that he’s leaving right when they’re about to have Thanksgiving Dinner which he specifically invited him to so he could introduce him to his girlfriend (Mary-Jane), when Norman tells him that she’s likely using him for his money and leaves, MJ tells Harry his father is a creep. Harry yells at her saying that his father is a great man and he’ll be lucky if ever becomes a fraction of what he was. This is a guy who is clearly delusional, which becomes even more apparent in the sequels.
• Willem Dafoe. Now I’m certain this is the point we all can agree on. Willem Dafoe+Anything=Awesome. I can’t think of a single role I’ve seen him where I disliked him. I think my least favorite role of his I’ve seen is in American Psycho, and even then he’s plenty likable, he just doesn’t have a lot to do make a ton of impact. Not so here my dear mother bitches. You know how some actors do well in a superhero movie, but you get the odd feeling that they really don’t give a shit about the project? Yeah, not Dafoe, the guy gives so much to this character! A lot of actors who play super villains kick ass in the role, but something I feel a lot of them fail to do, is make the character a human being. Hugo Weaving as the Red Skull? Great, but not human. Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky? Good, but not great. Tom Hardy as Bane? An excellent try, a near hit, but still a miss. I feel like a lot of actors may not have been thinking about Willem Dafoe as Norman Osborn, but I think some of them may have been indirectly inspired by him. I’m not sure we would’ve gotten Tom Hiddleston’s Loki, or Heath Ledger’s Joker, or Sebastian Stan’s Winter Soldier without Dafoe as the Green Goblin. He’s delightfully creepy in the moments where he’s playing the goblin, but he also has some great human moments here. Like the scene where he’s talking to himself in the mirror, he seems genuinely horrified at the prospect of what’s going on. “I’m losing my mind, and I may have committed not only murder, but outright terrorist attacks… Oh my God, what have I done?” Also, here’s an awesome detail, Dafoe did 90% of the stunts and costume work for the character. In fact he outright insisted upon it because he didn’t think a stuntman could do what needed to be done for the character. Godspeed Willem Dafoe!
• Cliff Robertson and Rosemary Harris as Uncle Ben and Aunt May! You know what’s great about casting actors who have never been big stars? The fact that when you see the movie, you don’t see well known iconic and talented actors slipping into these excellent roles, you just see these characters existing on the big screen. And both brilliantly convey what needs to be conveyed with these two. They feel like an old married couple, they look like an old married couple, they act like an old married couple. And they both come off like actual parents! Think about it, these two have pretty much raised this kid from the time he was at least four years old! These two have more claim to title of parent of Peter Parker than the actual people who conceived him. And it really feels that way!
• Another criticism of this series in general is all the crying Tobey tends to do… He literally only cries twice in this movie. And I love both of those scenes. Why? Well because in the first scene, he’s crying because he just saw his father die right in front of him.
  
  
  
  Look at this guy’s face, there is no vanity here! There is only a boy grieving over his lost daddy. Why do people mock this scene? This is Tobey showing that he will not react with just a casual “Sexy Cry” as the Nostalgia Critic once put it, he will actually put his soul into a scene that requires lots of emotional acting. And it’s absolutely perfect. The other scene where he cries? He’s just graduated and he’s thinking about the fact that because he was a selfish ass his uncle didn’t get to see him wear his cap and gown and accept his diploma, and the next moment after that is when he decides, I have great power, and I have a responsibility. It shows off this character’s incredible guilt. And guess what? Like it or not, Spider-Man’s entire motivation isn’t responsibility, it’s fucking GUILT! He feels so guilty for letting his uncle down, that he will stop at nothing to let no one else down, and at the same time let’s everyone down only contributing to his massive guilt.
• A big reason why people tend to dislike Spidey, and superheroes in general really, is that they always try to maintain a relationship with their significant other while at the same time refusing to tell them who they really are. Lying to your partner is not a good thing, relationships are built on trust, so these days most superhero movies opt to just say “Fuck it, let’s have the guy tell her the truth.” But that runs into the issue of, well in the event the bad guys find out who the hero really is, aren’t the significant others the first ones who will be harmed? This movie opts to just have Peter say, “I can’t be with you.” And you realize that MJ gets the impression there’s something Peter isn’t telling her about why he won’t be with her, and you also realize that Peter is just kicking himself for this. This is the girl he’s longed for since Elementary School who is telling him to his face, “I want to be with you Peter Parker.” Ideally they’d be running to whoever’s house was closer and getting into bed with each other. But this isn’t the ideal scenario, Peter now has the responsibility to help people, and having MJ would only put her in danger, so he has to tell her “I can’t be with you. I’m sorry.” That’s fucking awesome.
• JK Simmons as J. Jonah Jamieson. If you’ve seen any of the Raimi trilogy you’ll know what I’m talking about. Hell, there’s a good reason why Marc Webb and company have not dared to try and tackle this guy. It’s not even like JK’s playing the character or just embodies the character perfectly, it’s like the guy literally jumped out of the comics and became living flesh and blood!
  

CONS:

• The fights are well done and memorable, but they’re nothing that special from an aesthetic or visual standpoint. The good stuff really doesn’t happen until the next two movies in my opinion.
• I feel like they could’ve done the makeup a little better for the younger actors, you can tell they’re not really high school aged and that kinda bugs a bit, but not enough to really ruin the movie.
• I know we’re supposed to think the guy who gives Peter the money for wrestling is a douchebag, but he’s kind of an unrealistic douchebag. A guy comes into the ring who bests a guy no one else could beat in less time than expected, and he not only pays him less but pays considerably less. The ad said $3000 dollars for 3 minutes, Peter beats Bonesaw in 2 minutes and he only get a hundred bucks for his trouble? I get that the guy thinks he can scam a kid out of the money he earned, but why go that far? This kid just beat up a guy 5 inches taller than him and with muscles the size of his head, and you’re about to tempt fate by giving him $100 for a feat that should’ve earned him $3000? Moron.
• While it’s well done, I think the scene where Spidey has to choose between MJ and and the kids in the gondola is a bit contrived. It’s the one time for me where the silliness of the movie kind of annoys me a little, but I can go with it on a stretch.
• Okay, the upside down kiss is arguably one of the most iconic moments of the Spider-Man franchise, not just these movies, Amazing Spider-Man as well, but that being said, I find it hard to believe that a woman who was almost sexually assaulted is going to be so eager to makeout with a masked man. Maybe I’m full of it, but it feels kind of weird to me. Like Peter, this girl was almost raped and your just gonna suck face with her? That doesn’t sound too responsible… Um… Yeah…

So yeah beat for beat, you know damn well why this movie kicked off the superhero movie renaissance and the Marvel Renaissance. Blade set the tinder. X-Men lit the fire. But Spider-Man set the cinemas ablaze with a new found love for the genre! When studio execs walked outside their mansions to get the newspaper off their front porch and saw that this movie had not only done well over the weekend but had crossed the $100 million mark in just three fucking days, they walked back into their home with a large yellow stain on the front of their bathrobe and ordered their butler to clean up the puddle on the front porch while they called their coworkers saying they need to get the rights to another supehero property to now! Without it we have no Nolan Batman, without those two we have no Marvel Cinematic Universe and without those we have nothing but a series of okay to mediocre movies that came out from 2003 to 2007. I’m gonna give Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man a 9 out 10.