The Batman Movie Retrospective Series - Batman & Robin (1997)

 Published in November 2014

Short version: It’s crap, but it’s not that crappy.

I’M NOT SAYING IT’S GOOD! FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

Jesus Christ people, it’s just a movie!

Point taken…

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Batman and Robin attempt to stop Mr. Freeze from stealing a cache of diamonds. The super-criminal freezes Robin and flees, notifying Batman that he has 11 minutes to thaw his partner. They learn that Freeze was once scientist Victor Fries, who became dependent on a diamond-powered subzero suit following an accident in a cryogenics lab he was occupying to find a cure for his wife, Nora, who was suffering from a terminal illness called Mac Gregor’s Syndrome.

Meanwhile, botanist Dr. Pamela Isley is experimenting with the strength serum “Venom” to create mutant plants capable of fighting back against mankind’s destruction of flora. To her anger, she discovers that her senior colleague Dr. Jason Woodrue used her Venom samples to transform a diminutive prisoner into the “super soldier" Bane. When she refuses to become the mad scientist’s partner, Woodrue kills her with animal-plant toxins and chemicals. She transforms into the beautiful Poison Ivy and kills Woodrue with a venomous kiss before vowing to use her new powers to establish botanical supremacy over the world.

Alfred Pennyworth’s niece Barbara Wilson makes a surprise visit from England and is invited to stay at Wayne Manor until she returns to university. Alfred is revealed to be suffering from Mac Gregor’s Syndrome. He is, however, in stage 1 for which Mr.Freeze had developed a cure. His wife was in a more advanced stage and Mr. Freeze had yet to find a cure for that.

Ivy arrives in Gotham City with Bane as her henchman. She interrupts a Wayne Enterprises press conference at the Gotham Observatory where a giant new telescope is being unveiled, exhorting Bruce Wayne to implement a proposal that would safeguard the natural environment at the expense of millions of human lives, which Bruce summarily declines. She later appears at the Gotham Botanical Gardens fundraiser, seducing everyone present with her pheromone dust, including the Dynamic Duo, who are there to protect a diamond on auction from Mr. Freeze. When Freeze crashes the event as expected, Ivy is instantly captivated by his "ruthless charm”. Despite being captured by Batman and detained at the Arkham Asylum, Mr. Freeze is released by Ivy.

Ivy then proceeds to turn off Nora Fries’ life support and makes Mr. Freeze believe Batman did it, thereby persuading him that they should kill Batman as well as the society that created him. They plan to turn the observatory’s new telescope into a giant freezing gun to freeze the whole world’s population to death and replace them with Ivy’s mutant plants.

Meanwhile, Robin has become infatuated with Ivy and rebels against Batman, just as the villainess planned. He eventually goes to meet her at her garden hide-out. Ivy’s venomous kiss fails to kill Robin because Batman had prevailed on him to coat his lips with rubber. She tries to drown Robin in her lily pond and entangles Batman in her crushing vines, although they are able to free themselves when Batgirl arrives and traps Ivy in her own floral throne. Having discovered the Batcave and decided to create her own crime-fighting persona with the help of a computer simulation of Alfred with advanced AI, Batgirl reveals herself as Barbara.

When the Trio arrive at the Observatory to stop Freeze, the criminal has already frozen Gotham. Bane attacks Robin and Batgirl, but they incapacitate him and restore him to his original human state. In the battle, the telescope is destroyed, but the two younger heroes save Gotham by repositioning the observatory’s satellites, using their mirrors to reflect sunlight from outer space to thaw the city.

Batman shows Freeze video footage of Ivy’s confession about pulling the plug on Nora, but reveals that he himself restored Nora. He vows that Freeze will be allowed to continue his research at Arkham Asylum to heal Nora. Batman asks Freeze for the cure he created for the first stage of Mac Gregor’s Syndrome for Alfred and Freeze atones for his misdeeds by giving him two vials of the medicine he had developed.

At Arkham, Ivy is joined in her cell by Freeze, who vows to exact revenge on her. Back at Wayne Manor, Alfred is cured and Bruce invites Barbara to live with them and continue helping Batman and Robin fight crime as Batgirl.

On a more serious note, I’ve never understood why this movie is considered the abomination of the two Schumacher films. I mean yeah, Val did better in the role than George did, but c'mon this movie got two out of three bad guys right while the previous one got only half of it’s bad guys right. And by that same criteria, Batman Returns should be considered worse than both movies seeing as how neither of Catwoman nor Penguin were anything like their comic book counterparts. And don’t give me any crap about the Batnipples and the icepuns, especially if you enjoyed this shit

I rest my case… And for fuck’s sake Michelle, have some dignity!

Good God…

PROS:

• Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. I’m honestly just as surprised as you are, but for what he’s written to do, Schwarzenegger does a pretty good job in the role. I actually found him pretty sympathetic at times, and his intimidating moments… Well, I don’t think they were intimidating, but if I were three I may have…
• George Clooney as Bruce Wayne/Batman. Is this a good performance? No. Is this even a DECENT performance? No. But, I’ll be honest, when he’s not forced to say God awful dialogue, Clooney actually makes for a somewhat compelling presence. Especially in the bit where he’s trying to talk Dick down saying that Ivy is messing with their heads. And for fuck’s sake, look at that chin!
  

  

  
  Tell me this man doesn’t look the damn part!
• Chris O'Donnell and Alicia Silverstone, while not particularly great on their own, do have a fair bit of chemistry together. And also have enough good moments alone to not sink their boat completely.
• The Alfred subplot doesn’t work completely, but it’s a nice touch.
• I personally enjoyed much of this film’s camp, it honestly struck me as funny in the same way that Batman ‘66 does.
  

  

  
  HOW DID I MOCK HIM!?! I was complementing this movie!
  

  

  
  Don’t worry, I’m out of pros here, okay?
  

  

CONS:

• Uma Thurman is terrible in this movie, I find her more attractive than Michelle’s Catwoman, but it’s still not a very good performance even without this film’s God awful dialogue.
• This
  

  

  
  Is not Bane.
• Chris O'Donnell’s Dick Grayson does nothing but bitch at Batman in this movie, it’s especially annoying when Bruce has been right pretty much this whole time.
• Alicia Silverstone as Barbara could’ve worked, and making her Alfred’s niece could’ve worked as well, but unfortunately it’s a ball that’s been dropped completely. It also bugs me quite a bit that she’s supposed to be an Englishwoman and she sounds about as much like a California bred Yankee as anyone I know.
• As I’ve mentioned before, this dialogue is TERRIBLE.
• Please welcome, pointless love interest number three!
  

  

  
  Elle Macpherson as Julie Madison!
• They wasted John Glover. You don’t waste John Glover.

So after all that, I’m gonna give Batman & Robin, a 5 out of 10.

That enough vitriol for you people?

The Batman Movie Retrospective Series - Batman Forever (1995)

 Published in November 2014

Well then…

That’s one way to start off a movie, I guess…

(Credit to WouldYouLikeToSeeMyMask for the GIFs)

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

In Gotham City, Batman stops a hostage situation in a bank caused by Two-Face, the alter ego of the disfigured former district attorney, Harvey Dent. However, Two-Face escapes. Edward Nygma, a researcher at Wayne Enterprises, develops a device to beam television directly to a person’s brain; Bruce Wayne - with whom Nygma is obsessed - rejects the invention, noting that it “raises too many questions”, and Nygma angrily resigns from his position after killing his supervisor Fred Stickley, and forging his suicide note. During a news report, it shows how Harvey Dent became Two-Face: While he was prosecuting Sal Maroni, Maroni threw acid in Harvey’s face while Batman tried to stop him but failed. After meeting Batman-obessesed psychiatrist Dr. Chase Meridian, Bruce invites her to a charity circus event. There, Two-Face and his henchmen storm the event in an attempt to discover Batman’s secret identity, and in the process murder The Flying Graysons, a family of acrobats who attempt to stop him. The youngest member, Dick, survives and throws Two-Face’s bomb into the river.

Bruce assumes responsibility for Dick and allows him to stay at Wayne Manor. Dick then declares his intention to kill Two-Face and avenge his family’s murder, and when he discovers Bruce’s secret identity as Batman, he insists on becoming his partner, “Robin”. Meanwhile, Nygma becomes a criminal known as the “Riddler”, the master of puzzles and quizzes and forms an alliance with Two-Face. The two work together to steal capital for the mass production and promotion of Nygma’s television device. Using his device, Nygma can read and control people’s minds, and steal their intelligence quotient. At a business party, Nygma discovers Bruce’s secret identity. Two-Face then attacks the party and nearly kills Batman, but Robin arrives just in time to save his life. Meanwhile, Chase realizes her love for Bruce surpasses her obsession with Batman, but soon discovers that they are one and the same. However, Two-Face and the Riddler later converge into Wayne Manor. The Riddler enters the Batcave and destroys most of the equipment, and he and Two-Face kidnap Chase, who the Riddler is romantic to, while leaving Bruce another riddle.

After solving the last riddle, Batman and Robin locate the Riddler’s lair, Claw Island, where both are separated upon reaching the island. Robin then encounters Two-Face and manages to beat him to the ground; realizing that he does not have it in him to commit murder, Robin helps the villain back up. Two-Face gets the upper hand and captures Robin. Meanwhile, Batman manages to make his way into the Riddler’s lair, where Robin and Chase are revealed as hostages, bound, gagged with duct tape and held over a watery chasm, giving Batman a choice of saving just one hostage. Batman finds a way to save both hostages, and manages to destroy the brainwave-collecting device, driving the Riddler into a mental breakdown in the process. During the battle, Two-Face falls to his death. The Riddler is finally sent to Arkham Asylum, and Chase is asked to consult on his case. Nygma offers to reveal the identity of Batman to her, but he believes that he himself is Batman, due to his damaged memories. Chase then meets Bruce Wayne outside and tells him his secret is safe. Batman and Robin then continue to protect Gotham City from crime.

I’ve been tapping my index fingers against f and j for the past fifteen seconds just thinking of what to say about this movie… I want to say it’s a good movie but

For years I’ve been saying I like the Schumacher Batman movies more than Burton ones, but now that I’ve seen THIS ONE and the Burton films in their entirety, I realize something

So wrong! This movie isn’t awful, but it’s so not good! I can’t bear it!

Tim Burton, can I just say

I’ll never insult you as a filmmaker ever again… Except for the Planet of the Apes remake, that shit is unforgivable!

PROS

• Val Kilmer does the best he possibly can with this shit script, he doesn’t do as good as Keaton does from a purely acting standpoint, but I think he comes off as more of what I imagine Batman and Bruce Wayne to be. I especially like the scene of him trying to talk to Nygma saying that he’d love to greenlight his project, but he’d like to get some more information about it first, and when Nygma says that he won’t do that, Bruce politely tells him that his project just brings up to many personal objections for him so he’s gonna have to say no. Much respect Val, thanks for trying!
• Chris O'Donnell doesn’t bring a lot to the table as Dick Grayson, but he makes the guy pretty likable while also bringing out Dick’s cockiness and his flirtatious nature with women. He acquits himself well in the scenes where he’s performing gymnastics and parkour, and he does a good job of conveying the attitude of a guy who’s usually pretty cocksure and arrogant suddenly going through a bout with depression. Not bad Chris, not bad at all.
• Jim Carrey’s Edward Nygma is way too kooky for my taste, but that kookiness is used to excellent effect as The Riddler. You can pretty clearly see this character is ground zero for what Guy Pearce and Jamie Foxx would later be seen doing in Iron Man 3 and Amazing Spider-Man 2, and don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about
  

  

• Elliot Goldenthal comes out with a pretty decent score here, his themes are nowhere near the greatness that came from Burton, but it’s still pretty good, have a listen. Not bad right?
• While Tommy Lee Jones’s Two-Face is usually kind of insufferable in this film, there’s this brief moment where he makes a far more lucid statement, he’s about to kill Dick, Bruce, and Dr. Chase, when Bruce tells he hasn’t flipped his coin to make the call to kill them or not yet, and Harvey thanks Bruce for that, and quickly tells him that he always a good friend. I feel like if he were in a better film, Jones could’ve been a kick ass Harvey Dent, but as is, this character and this actor are underserved.
• Jones and Carrey have terrific chemistry together, and are pretty hilarious as a team.
• Michael Gough still excels as Alfred, and he does a good job of trying to lift Dick’s spirits after his family dies.

CONS

• If this movie is supposed to be a direct sequel to Tim Burton’s Batman films and not a standalone piece, then this Bruce Wayne is a fucking hypocrite. Honest to God, you went out of your way to kill at least two super villains, and did kill numerous henchmen, and in some pretty fucking brutal ways!
• Tommy Lee Jones’s TwoFace is irritating as hell.
• Nicole Kidman’s Dr. Chase Meridian is a useless character who adds nothing to film.
• Jim Carrey’s Nygma is a pretty obvious suspect, especially with his clearly over the top crocodile tears.
• The death of the Flying Graysons is needlessly over the top, and should’ve been played much straighter.
• Alfred and Dick clearly saw each other in the Batcave, how the hell did he manage to let Dick get away with the Batmobile?
• I understand that Bruce Wayne has to keep up his public image in order to avoid suspicions that he is Batman, but with two major villains out on the loose, should you really be trying to shack up with Chase?
• “I’ve never been in love before.”
  

  

  
  Fuck you too Mr. Wayne.

Overall, this film wasn’t as much of a chore as I made it out to be, but it’s still kinda fuckin’ terrible. I’ve seen worse movies, and I’ve seen worse Batman movies (although of the animated variety), so I’m gonna give Batman Forever, a 4.5 out of 10.

Is it bad? Yes. Is it an abomination? No. Did I review the other two movies? Yes And Yes. So please join me when I examine the true abomination that we know and love, referred to only as…

Stay tuned!

DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series - Batman Vs. Robin (2015)

Written In July 2015

Watching this film in preparation for Justice League: Gods And Monsters is like filing your damn taxes in hopes of that big ass $500 return. It’s tedious as fuck, it’s not enjoyable at all, but you’re hoping that it’ll lead to something much much better and more entertaining, and God almighty do I hope that movie is good! As for this movie though?

Originally posted by storiesmakeyoufly

Well… I’ve definitely seen worse from DC Animation

Much

Much

Worse

So I guess there’s that…

Plot Summary Taken From IMDb:

While Damian Wayne struggles to cope with Batman’s no-killing rule, he soon starts to believe that his destiny lies within a secret society known as, The Court of Owls.

You know what’s a comic series I loved?

You know what’s another comic series I loved?

This movie was supposed to be based on both of those volumes and guess what?

They fucking fucked it up!

The Talons are boring antagonists, the Court of Owls aren’t even remotely threatening, the “Get the hell out of my cave!” Scene wasn’t nearly as badass as it was in the comic, the main Talon had potential as he was done here but that was completely wasted as it would turn out. So congrats J.M. DeMatteis and Jay Olivia, you squandered epic source material to make a crappy ass movie!

And that’s not me saying it, that’s Commissioner Gordon saying it! He lived through this shit, he knows what he’s talking about!

PROS:

• In terms of animation and backgrounds, this movie does a good job of setting up it’s atmosphere, kudos to you Oliva.
• The action throughout the film is pretty well done, I’m not always fond of why the fights are happening (we’ll get to that later) but I can never say I’m bored by the actual fighting.
• I like how the movie starts with Damian doing some detective work, we saw in Son of Batman that he was a little hothead (and he still is here) but now we see he’s actually got some brains rattling around in there and he knows how to actually use them, good job little guy!
• Everything relating to the Dollmaker is fucking fantastic! It’s creepy as hell for one, and two, the Dollmaker himself comes off as a suitably disgusting character that you still can’t help but feel sorry for. Which is an especially a great feat when you realize he’s voiced by freaking Weird Al Yankovic! MVP right here guys!
• I appreciate the very brief moment where Damian is trying talk himself out of killing the Dollmaker, repeating Bruce’s advice about prioritizing justice over vengeance.
• I like the very brief scene of Batman comforting the kidnapped children, that felt pretty in character.
• The early bonding scenes between Bruce and Damian are really good, I like the two of them talking about Charles Dickens and Bruce letting Damian having his own bowl of popcorn when they watch that western together.
• I like the idea of having Dick babysit Damian and I love how we get a little Starfire reference, I just wish it didn’t contain a pointless fight scene between Robin and Nightwing or further awkward attempts from DC Animation at being adult by making frank references to sex.
• On paper I really like the idea of Talon mentoring Damian and trying seduce him to the dark side so to speak, in practice I don’t really think it works, but I think it could’ve worked with a better writer than J.M. DeMatteis
• I have mixed feelings about the blonde chick Bruce is dating being the grandmaster, but on the positive side I think it’s an interesting twist, and it’d make sense to get close to such a valuable target. Plus, if Bruce isn’t 100% about joining the Court, you can just drop the bomb that you’re a member and think that him joining could only benefit the world and Gotham City.

CONS:

• I think there are times where this movie just doesn’t know what to say or what not say. There are bits of dialogue that either feel tacked on or were in the right ballpark but still off the mark. When Batman shows up in the middle of Damian’s fight with Dollmaker’s army of child soldiers with weaponized limbs, Damian says he doesn’t need any help, and Bruce repeats a sassy remark Damian gave him earlier. Or when Damian looks like he’s about to kill Bruce, Bruce just yells at him to kill him already if it’s really what he wants. These are both lines that just should’ve been omitted honestly.
• I really hate how when Bruce finds Damian standing over Dollmaker’s dead body, and Bruce asks Damian what he did, Damian just says “figure it out for yourself.

• Damian how do you expect Bruce to trust you more if you keep sneaking out, especially after he thinks you killed someone!

• Dick why do you think it’s a good idea to egg on your opponent when they’re a trained assassin that happens to be a temperamental child?

• Alfred you know better than to do something as stupid as lower security so Damian can get through! What kind of idiot are you J. M. DeMatteis?

• You know if this story is focusing on Damian, why’re you giving us a flashback about Bruce? Also, why’re you implying that the court of owls actually did kill Bruce’s parents? Who do you think you are? Tim Burton?

• Lets get down to the brass tacks here, a fight between Batman and Robin is pointless! I mean an argument is one thing, a physical skirmish is one thing, but a film where the entire premise leads to Batman and Robin duking out is pointless, especially when the Robin in question is a ten year old boy!
• At the end of the film Bruce and Damian decide to part ways because Damian can’t figure out who he is, admitting that he’s so confused by what Bruce, Thalia, and Ra’s have all taught him. Here’s the thing kiddo- No fuck that, here’s the thing J.M DeMatteis, HE’S FUCKING TEN YEARS OLD! NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE AT TEN! NOBODY CARES WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE WHEN THEY’RE TEN YEARS OLD! I know Damian isn’t exactly a normal ten year old, but he’s still a ten year old boy! And the fact that Bruce says Damian isn’t really a child only serves to irritate me further.

Originally posted by polystyrene-hat

Overall, Batman Vs. Robin is a waste of time. Mine, yours, everyone’s. It didn’t anger me as much as the above three films did, but it’s almost there. I’m gonna the film a 4.7 out of 10

DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series - Son of Batman (2014)

Written In April 2014

 Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Batman learns that he has a violent, unruly pre-teen son with Talia al Ghul named Damian Wayne who has secretly been raised by Ra’s al Ghul and the League of Assassins. When Ra’s al Ghul apparently dies after a battle with his former right-hand man Deathstroke, Batman must work to stop his long-lost son from taking revenge and guide him to a righteous path, in order for the pair to truly acknowledge each other as family.

Now, let me be blunt. This movie is not good, but the weird thing is it’s not really terrible. I can’t definitively say whether or not I think it has more pros or cons, and what’s weird is by all merits it should be a pretty good movie. It has two Firefly alum in the form of Sean Maher and Morena Baccarin as Nightwing and Thalia Al Ghul Thomas Gibson AKA Aaron Hotchner from Criminal Minds, Jason O'Mara is back as Batman who I thought was one of the few highlights of Justice League War *gag*, it has mother fucking Giancarlo Esposito AKA Gustavo Fring from Breaking Bad as the voice of Ra’s Al Ghul! And on the writing and directing end, this is Joe R. Lansdale, the guy who wrote Per Chance To Dream, arguably one of the greatest episodes of Batman: The Animated Series, along with one of my favorite DC Showcase shorts, Jonah Hex! As for the director, he directed some of my favorite episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Avatar and The Firelord, Nightmares And Daydreams, The Western Airtemple, The Blind Bandit, Return To Omashu, Bitter Work, Tales of Ba Sing Se. What could possibly go wrong?!

But something did, and I think I know what it is.

1. The Lazarus Pit literally brought Jason Todd back to life after he was killed in an explosion, so why the fuck can’t it do the same for Ra’s who was actually still conscious right before he reached the pit.
2. Since when was Slade ever Ra’s Al Ghul’s apprentice? According to the Batman Wikia, Deathstroke has only ever had Ra’s as a client, never his possible heir.

I mean, I get the feeling I wouldn’t care if I weren’t at least vaguely aware of these characters through comics, movies, video games, and animation. Like, if this were my first exposure to Slade Wilson and Ra’s Al Ghul, I likely wouldn’t care. But I am, so I do. But don’t get me wrong, this is not a bad movie! It is nowhere near the lows of Justice League War, and especially not Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox, or Superman/Batman: Public Enemies. There are several good things about it! And we’ll get into that now!

PROS:

• The little guy playing Damian is really good! He’s a little shaky in parts, but I’ll blame that more on direction. And speaking of direction!
• Giancarlo Esposito was one of my favorite parts of Breaking Bad, I was really excited when I read he was voicing Ra’s Al Ghul. He’s a little less noble king or a blood thirsty warlord, and a little more wizened old mentor. But he’s still terrific!
• Thomas Gibson does really great work, yeah he sounds a little bored at times, but he makes for a great Deathstroke. He’s got this sort of sarcastic Slade Wilson. Everything he says sounds really sort of dry, I kinda like it!
• Morena Baccarin does some really great work as Thalia, and it helps that she’s returning to DC animation actor having voiced Cheetah in an episode of the Brave and the Bold and Black Canary in three JLU episodes. She’s got the natural sex appeal of the character while still coming off as mothering and a badass warrior and leader.
• Jason O'Mara again does some pretty good work! Again, he’s not Kevin Conroy or Bruce Greenwood or even Rino Romano or Diedrich Bader, but he’s better than say, Ben McKenzie! Say, isn’t Ben attached to something else Batman related right now? Set to hit kind of soon actually? What was it again?
  
  Oh... Um… Well, hopefully he’s a better live action actor than a voice actor… Bastille tell the people how I'm feeling. Yeah listen to it for a minute I think you might get my thoughts on this matter.
• On a far more positive note, Sean Maher is PERFECT as Nightwing here! He is not in this movie nearly enough, but when he is here he is terrific!
• We got a bit of a wink towards the REALLY hardcore batfans. Some folks may consider Val Kilmer the forgotten Batman, seeing as how he’s between Michael Keaton, who kicked off the franchise, and George Clooney, who killed the franchise, and long before Christian Bale who resurrected it, and not as memorable as the delightfully camp Adam West Batman. But! Here, we have the truly forgotten Batman, Bruce Thomas, who played Batman in the pilot of episode of Birds of Pray and those silly little OnStar commercials from that ran from 2000 to 2002. And what’s he doing here? He’s voicing COMMISSIONER GORDON! And he’s not bad either, nice job Brucie.
• The action is nothing special, but it’s really good at times!

CONS:

• Why all the blood? This is Batman, not 300!
• Why is Deathstroke Ra’s Al Ghul’s former apprentice?
• I’ve never been a huge Damian fan so I wasn’t especially psyched to see him make his animated debut here I’m sorry to say.
• We get to see Dick holding a sword before Damian kills someone, we see him challenge the kid, then we cut to him on the phone with Bruce all bloodied up and cut with Damian tied to lamppost. We then don’t see him accompany Bruce and Damian on their missions until the final 10 minutes of the movie where Dick swoops in on the Batplane at the last second. Why do we not get to see Dick be a badass at any point?
• At one point Dick is arguing with Damian and he says he’ll never get to be Robin. What is the point of that scene when you literally know if you’ve seen the trailers or read the comics that that is literally who he becomes! And eventually Dick becomes his Batman! There’s no point to that scene.
• This is kind of a petty complaint, but why does Thalia’s shirt always have to be open in each and every single scene she has, except for a scene where she’s in a dress, which even then is cleavage-y as hell, has no back, and has a high slit on both sides of the actual skirt, I mean I realize there she’s coming onto Bruce, but what’s the actual point of making her so damn sexy all the damn time? I mean look at some of these character designs.
  
  
  Batman Beyond
  
  
  Batman: The Brave And The Bold
  
  
  Batman: Under The Red Hood
  
  
  Batman: Arkham City
  
  
  Miranda Tate in Dark Knight Rises
  
  
  Thalia Al ghul in Dark Knight Rises
  
  
  And Son of Batman… Yeeaah… And that’s not to say it’s somehow wrong to dress “sexily” in real life, but it doesn’t really make sense from a practical standpoint to dress like that if your supposed to be a badass ninja warrior. And you just know, that when they decided to make her wear this super cleavagey outfit, they weren’t thinking “This is something Thalia would wear because that’s what she likes.” they were thinking “This is something Thalia should wear because that’s gonna make strait teen guys like this movie more.” And I think we can both agree, that’s a load of crap.
• I kind of feel like a the quick Joker cameo we got, with Dee Bradley Baker doing the laugh, was kind of unneeded. In fact, I think showing off the fact that “We are in ARKHAM ASYLUM MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!” There’s no real point in it.

Overall, I can’t get really mad at this movie, I can’t really be disappointed with it because I wasn’t looking forward to it, and I’m ultimately not satisfied with it. I’m gonna go 6.65 out of 10.

I’ve seen better, I’ve seen worse. I don’t want to watch this one again, but I won’t suffer if I do. I’ll see you guys again before the year ends with a review of

Which doesn’t look a damn thing like those games and is being directed by this chump

maybe it won’t suck- Oh who the hell am I kidding?

The DC Animated Superhero Movie Retrospective Series - Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero (1998)

Written In December 2013

Before we get to the plot summary, there’s three facts I wanna share with you real quick, they’re not fun, but they’re interesting.

1. This movie was set to come out in ‘97, but it was pushed back because Batman & Robin had Mr. Freeze in it.
2. Mary Kay Bergman, best known for doing all of the female characters in the first two seasons of South Park, who voiced Barbara Gordon in this movie, tragically commited suicide in November following this movie’s release year. She was 38.
3. Michael Ansara died of natural causes earlier this year, back in July. He was 91.

RIP to both of these talented actors, may they rest in peace, and let us say a prayer of thanks that Batman & Robin was not truly the end of the Batman film series.

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Since his last encounter against Batman, Mr. Freeze has found a home in the Arctic and started a family (of sorts) with the still cryogenically-encased Nora, an Inuit boy named Kunac, and two pet polar bears, Hotchka and Shaka. Nora’s condition begins to rapidly deteriorate due to asubmarine accidentally emerging from underwater directly underneath them, shattering her containment vessel. Freeze returns to Gotham City with his companions, and enlists the help of Dr. Gregory Belson to find a cure. Belson determines that Nora needs an organ transplant, but due to her rare blood type there are no suitable donors available.

Freeze declares that they will use a live donor, even if it means the donor will die in the process. Belson is at first reluctant to kill an innocent girl, but Freeze bribes him with a gold nugget and even more gold from an entire vein in the Arctic that will put an end to Belson’s financial problems.Barbara Gordon (Batgirl) is a perfect match, and Freeze learns from her roommate that she is at a restaurant with her boyfriend, Dick Grayson(Robin). Freeze attacks the restaurant and kidnaps Barbara, taking her to an abandoned oil rig where he and Belson are hiding. Freeze and Belson explain the situation to Barbara, who claims that she is willing to help Nora for the “blood transfusion”, but not at the oil rig, prompting Freeze to keep Barbara imprisoned. When the time for the operation comes, Barbara realizes that they are lying when they say she will need to be put under for a mere transfusion and escapes with the help of Kunac. Belson gives pursuit and almost catches her, before the arrival of Batman and Robin.

Freeze follows, and in the ensuing confrontation, Belson accidentally shoots one of the fuel tanks and starts a rapidly-spreading fire as Freeze traps Batman and Robin. Freeze insists that Belson perform the operation, despite the oil rig blazing and ready to explode, but Belson betrays Freeze and attempts to escape alone, only to be killed by falling wreckage. Freeze’s leg is broken, but he tells Batman to save Nora and Kunac first, along with Barbara. Nora, Kunac and Barbara are taken to safety in the Batwing with the help of Robin, but Batman fails to save the weakened Freeze in time, as the platform collapses beneath them, hitting him in the shoulder, and sending Freeze plummeting into the ocean below.

Batman manages to get back to the Batwing and get aboard just before the oil rig finally explodes, but Freeze escapes just in time, holding onto the swimming Hotchka and Shaka. Freeze then returns with his polar bears to the Arctic to resume his life alone, having frozen his leg in an ice cast. He sees on a television in a research station that Nora has been revived after an organ transplant operation funded by Wayne Enterprises, moving him to tears of joy. Then he walks away, limping with a wooden stick for support, with his two polar bears as the screen fades.

So before I get into the review, let me tell you about a character called… Loki Laufeyson.

I’m not entirely fond of the idea that Loki is not a truly villainous character, but a character who simply longs for acceptance and lashes out because he doesn’t know how to put this into words. He’s a sympathetic villain because of the fact that he was never truly accepted by his family, because he was different, because ultimately he was a Jotun raised as an Asgardian. Now before I get into why I think that’s bullcrap, let me explain what I define as a sympathetic villain.

A) A character who does bad things for the right reason. Someone who is desperate to do something good for someone they care for and chooses to go about this in a manner of questionable legality and/or morality. A good example of this would be Walter White from Breaking Bad (from the beginning of Season One to the end of Season Two more accurately)

or B) A character with a genuinely tragic backstory that drove them to become a violent lifestyle, a person who was good once upon a time but had so much compounded onto them that they snapped. A good example of this would be fellow Batman villain, Harvey Dent/Two-Face.

Here’s what Loki’s story is according to the first Thor movie; abandoned by his family as an infant, Loki, a small Frost Giant child, was adopted by King Odin of Asgard and raised as his own son as a royal prince. Loki being younger than his adoptive brother Thor, was second in line for the throne in the event Odin died or simply retired. Loki, believing Thor would be an incompetent ruler, allowed for a small group of Frost Giants to enter the weapons vault of the Asgardian Palace, so as to sabotage Thor’s coronation. Later he manipulates his brother into invading Jotunhiem, the land of the Frost Giants, mortal enemies of Asgard that Odin had truce with. His actions in Jotunhiem causes Thor to be banished. When Odin falls into a comatose state, Loki lies to Thor telling him he has to stay on Earth so that the new truce with Jotunhiem will remain. He then attempts murder his brother and allows for the Frost Giants to reenter Asgard, promising their leader that he’ll get to kill Odin. At the very last minute, Loki kills the Jotuns he allowed to enter, attempts to commit genocide against Jotunhiem while dueling his brother. After being told that what he did was wrong, Loki attempts to kill himself only to find company with beings worse than him.

THIS! IS! NOT! A! SYMPATHETIC! VILLAIN!

You can make all the screaming GIFs you want, that doesn’t make him sympathetic. But why did I take the time to talk about why I don’t find Loki sympathetic? Because this movie contains an actual sympathetic villain in the form Michael Ansara’s Mr. Freeze.

Paul Dini, Bruce Timm and Alan Burnett’s Batman: The Animated Series have multiple claims to fame. They created Harley Quinn, they won several Emmy Awards, they defined the character of Batman for a generation, they gave us what is considered by most to be the definitive voice of Batman and the Joker, and above all they redefined and reinvented a villain who was considered a bit dopey at the time of their creation. And that villain is Dr. Victor Fries, aka Mr. Freeze.

Again voiced by the late great Michael Ansara, Mr. Freeze was written as Shakespearean tragedy. A brilliant scientist who was searching day and night for cure to his ill wife’s disease, his funding was cut off by his jackass boss, he physically assaulted him when he tried pleading with him to give him more time. When exposed to a series of chemicals during the assault, Victor’s DNA was altered he could no longer survive in a subzero degree temperature. Brilliant as ever, but filled with a cold rage unlike any, Fries turns to a life of crime to fund his research. Stealing anything of value and hellbent on vengeance against his dickbag boss! Like Heisenberg and Sam Raimi’s take on Otto Octavius after him, Mr. Freeze is the kind of villain who would do something terrible for the person he loves most. This is a sympathetic villain.

This film outlines this, and it’s a major pro with it! Now onto the rest of my list.

PROS

• Barbara Gordon as Batgirl and Dick Grayson as Robin are both in this movie, this makes me happy.
• I’m not overly fond of Dick and Babs as a couple, but I’m not opposed to the, and they’re a delightful romantic presence in this film.
• The action in this movie is entertaining as usual.
• While at the party, Barbara wears a very lovely dress that is lacking in fabric over her back. I see why you love her Grayson.
• Michael Ansara gives a fantastic performance as usual!
• Kevin Conroy is wonderful as Batman, although he’s not in here all that much.
• When Barb is kidnapped by Freeze, there’s a great motorcycle chase that showcases Dick Grayson as a badass!
• The late Mary Kay Bergman is wonderful as Barbara!
• The little Inuit boy that Mr. Freeze befriends is adorable.

CONS:

• Batman is one of the two titular characters and yet he’s barely in the movie. This isn’t a problem with the story, it’s just unfortunate to see.
• The douchebag doctor feels kind of tacked on.
• The reasoning for Freeze kidnapping Barbara is kind of flimsy and a little too based in coincidence.

Overall, while I think Mask of the Phantasm is the better movie, I think SubZero is the more entertaining movie. I just generally enjoyed the movie more. And that’s no slight towards Mask of the Phantasm, it’s just me saying I enjoy thrillers more than emotional dramas. So with all that being said, I’ll be giving Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero an 9 out of 10.