The Batman Movie Retrospective Series - Batman Returns (1992)

 Published November 2014

You know, say what you want about Odin from the Thor movies, but at least the guy actually saved a child that was possibly about to die. He may have raised him with the intent of molding him into a propaganda tool, but at he still raised him like one of his own, and AMONG his own!

Meanwhile, Penguin’s mama and papa, Peewee Herman and Queen Bansheera- No really, the Lady Cobblepot actress did the voice of Queen Bansheera from Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue, here’s a link- Anywho, the two of them up and decided, “You know what, our kid’s kinda ugly, let’s just send him down river like Moses, only without the intention of saving an enslaved race of people from an oppressive monarchy, that kinda sounds like fun!” So Odin, on behalf of everyone on this website I’d like to present you with this

You’ve earned it big man!

Look at him! He’s so proud!

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Tucker and Esther Cobblepot, an aristocratic couple, throw their deformed infant child into the sewers, feeling that Gotham City’s high society would not approve after witnessing their son kill their pet cat. However, a flock of penguins living in the sewers rescue him and raise him. 33 years later, the child becomes the Penguin. He kidnaps businessman Max Shreck, blackmailing him into helping him become a citizen of Gotham using evidence of his corporate crimes. Meanwhile, Max discovers that his secretary, Selina Kyle, has found out he is planning to build a power plant which will drain Gotham of its electricity. Max pushes her out of a window, ensuring that she will not tell anyone. However, a flock of alley cats lick her corpse, reviving her. She returns home, suffers a mental breakdown and makes a homemade black vinyl catsuit and becomes a costumed vigilante named “Catwoman”.

Penguin sends one of his costumed henchmen to kidnap the mayor’s baby while he “saves” him, becoming a hero to the people of Gotham. However, billionaire Bruce Wayne is suspicious of the Penguin and discovers that he is the leader of the Red Triangle Circus Gang who commits crimes throughout Gotham. As Batman, Bruce decides to protect Gotham from the gang. After Penguin discovers that his parents are dead and his name is Oswald Cobblepot, Max decides to make Penguin the mayor of Gotham because the current mayor will not approve of Max’s power plant. To do this, the Penguin has the Red Triangle Circus Gang create a riot, causing the citizens to lose all faith in the mayor, but Batman stops it. During the riot, Catwoman vandalizes Shreck’s Department Store to gain revenge on Max. When Batman and Penguin confront each other, she intervenes before the store blows up. Penguin escapes as Catwoman fights Batman. Batman pushes her off a rooftop, but a litter box on a truck saves her.

The next day, Penguin and Catwoman collaborate on a plan to kill Batman. Meanwhile, Bruce and Selina develop a romantic relationship. Penguin and Catwoman kidnap the Ice Princess, an actress chosen to turn on the Gotham City Christmas Tree Lights, framing Batman. Batman finds her but Catwoman takes her to a rooftop where the Penguin releases a swarm of flying bats which make the Princess retreat backwards, falling off, making her death seem like Batman’s fault. Catwoman rejects the Penguin’s advances, prompting him to try killing her. Batman enters the Batmobile and discovers that Penguin has control over it, due to a device Penguin’s gang installed. The Penguin takes it on a devastating rampage, but Batman regains control over it, escaping death.

Batman, having recorded the Penguin’s plans during the rampage, plays it during the Penguin’s election speech, turning the people against him. Enraged, Penguin kidnaps all the first-born sons of Gotham, including Max Shreck. Batman saves all the babies, forcing the Penguin to execute an alternate plan to destroy the entire city with his penguin army. However, Batman foils the plan by luring the penguins back to the Penguin’s sewer base. He briefly battles the Penguin, then pushes him into sewer water. Catwoman tries to kill Max, but Batman stops her and reveals himself as Bruce. Max shoots Batman, knocking him out. Catwoman claims that she has six of her nine lives left, although Max shoots her four times, leaving her with two lives. Catwoman kisses Max with an electrical taser between their lips and breaks an electric wire, creating an explosion which kills Max but Batman cannot find Selina’s corpse. The Penguin emerges from the water, but chokes on his own blood from internal injuries from the fall and falls to the ground, dead. His emperor penguins hold a funeral for their former boss and drag his corpse into the sewer water, his resting place.

Afterwards, Alfred drives Bruce home. Suddenly, Bruce spots Selina’s shadow in an alley. He investigates the area, only finding her black cat Miss Kitty, taking her with him before exchanging Christmas wishes with Alfred. The Batsignal lights up in the night sky and Catwoman rises up into the foreground and stares at it, confirming that she is alive.

If you’re wondering at all, I’m not planning to comment on how not like the comics this movie is, if you have even a passing knowledge of the funny books that’s obvious. Catwoman wasn’t some pathetic secretary lady who died and was resurrected by cats, and was subsequently given nine lives. She was just a cat burglar who had a thing for actual cats. Penguin was never some sort of disfigured freak who was raised by carnies in the sewer. He was just some guy who had flipper like hands (and I don’t even think that’s a thing nowadays) and kind of a beakish nose(which I’m pretty sure is still a thing) who looked sort of like penguin, but was otherwise, just your average run of the mill mob boss with a thing for umbrellas. I’m treating this less like adventure in Gotham City, and more like an adventure in…

Which granted, ain’t my favorite place in the world, but when it’s a good time, it’s a pretty fucking good time! So let’s hope just hope this doesn’t suck as much Planet of the Apes did, and have the best time we can!

PROS

• Michael Keaton has definitely grown into the role I think, I wasn’t a huge fan of his Batman last time, but I think I like him a little better this time around. He still makes for a pretty good Bruce Wayne, and I like how this time he actually gets to show some authority as the billionaire playboy. In one scene he confronts Shreck and lets him know him that he’s more than ready to play hardball with this son of a bitch. Nice work as always Mr. Keaton, bravo!
• Danny DeVito’s Penguin is a mixed bag for me, he’s well acted, and even occasionally sympathetic, but at the same time he’s so vile and disgusting that I often have a hard time maintaining interest in him. I really liked how initially they sort of drew a parallel, especially with Bruce watching the initial broadcast where he says that just wants to find out who his parents are, who he is, and why they decided to just abandon him. Alfred asks him if he’s alright, and Bruce just says he’s fine, he just hopes Penguin finds his parents. The moment that really sold the parallel though, is this quick scene where Penguin finds his parents’s graves and throws a rose upon the respective headstones. I get the feeling this was intentional callback to the scene in Batman where Bruce throws a pair of roses on the site where his own parents were murdered in front of him. I’ve got more to say about this character, but I’ll save the rest of that commentary for the cons. Overall, I think there’s more to appreciate about this character and this performance than their is to criticize.
• Michelle Pfeiffer’s Catwoman is another mixed bag for me, I think she and Michael have pretty good chemistry together, and all of her scenes pretty well acted, especially the scene where she comes back home after being killed by Shreck and resurrected by all the Alley cats, and I LOVE the scene where she comes back to Shreck’s office in the middle of his meeting with Bruce and they both know exactly what he did, and he’s not letting him off the hook at all. And knowing that she actually held a live bird in her mouth for a scene, I gotta give her props for that.
• Christopher Walken as Max Shreck.
  

  

  
  I honestly think he’s the best villain of this film, he’s not cartoonishly evil, but he’s still clearly a bad person. He has sympathetic traits, he cares deeply about his son, but at the film doesn’t try to use that as excuse for actions. He manipulates Penguin into becoming his puppet so he can put up his power plant that would actually leach energy from the city. He lets Selina sweat for a minute, before he lets her into a sense of false security, before he actually pushes her out of the fucking window. And honestly, his performance is pretty good in it’s own right. Overall, I really liked this character. I think my favorite scenes of him were actually the moments where he’s face to face with Penguin for the first time and the scene where he sees Selina AFTER he actually killed him. With Penguin, you can see the gears turning in his head about how to bullshit his way out of this potentially dangerous situation, and he ultimately comes up with a pretty good out. And with Selina, you can see him sweating bullets, “You’re supposed to be dead! But you’re not! What the hell is going on?!” I thought this character was terrific, five stars to Burton and Walken for this one!
• Danny Elfman’s fucking score!
  

  

  
  Even better than the last movie, give it a listen here!
• I really like the scene of Bruce and Selina at Shreck’s ball, the symbolism of them being the only people there who aren’t wearing masks is kinda on the nose, but it really does work.
• Michael Gough continues to excel as Alfred, I especially love the early scene where he tells a paperboy, who’s trying to give him an article about the Penguin, that the paper is usually dreck but this kind of nonsense is especially dreck.
• I like how we FINALLY got see Batman and Gordon actually talk to each other, it’s pretty brief and Batman doesn’t seem terribly interested in talking, but I’m glad these films finally got something from the Batman mythos that I’ve always valued as a fan.
• While I liked the actual suit in Batman better, I really liked the cowl more in this movie than the last one.
  

  

  
  I feel like it fits Keaton’s head better, and just looks more like Batman to me. I’m not sure why exactly.

CONS

• What in the hell made Shreck think that Penguin would be a good mayoral candidate? Really? We haven’t a president who wasn’t at least a 6.5 since Kennedy! What makes you think a guy as disgusting as Penguin could get into office?!
• The scene where Catwoman asks Batman how he could’ve hit her when she’s a woman annoys the hell out of me, especially because Bats starts stammering because he didn’t really think about it. Yeah guys, I’ll refer you to this
  

  

  
  

  

• The Penguin’s death is just so mean spirited, were you in a bad mood that day Tim?
• I really don’t find this Catwoman very attractive. Michelle Pfeiffer is a very pretty lady, but the scene where Catwoman just starts licking herself does more to disgust me than arouse me. And knowing that that scene is meant to arouse me, that’s a definite con.
• I really hate how the first thing we see Selina do as Catwoman is kill a sexual predator and then YELL AT THE WOMAN WHO WAS BEING ASSAULTED FOR MAKING IT SO EASY FOR HIM! Fuck you Catwoman!
• The scene where Catwoman keeps taking a bunch of bullets from Shreck and she starts counting off how many lives she has left before she actually kills him doesn’t work for me, considering that I’m pretty sure only one of those actual shots would’ve been lethal. By the end of the film she has one life left, but I’m pretty sure she should’ve still had about five.
• Speaking of her various lives, I really wish they’d kept whether or not Selina was still alive ambiguous, it felt kind of tacked on when we saw her kneeling with her back to the camera with the batsignal in the background. It would’ve been more emotionally resonant if we ended with Bruce still thinking she was alive, but we the audience weren’t 100% sure

All in all, this is a pretty flawed film, but I think I enjoyed it more than it’s predecessor. I wouldn’t say it’s the better film, but it’s the more ambitious film, and I like how we actually have three antagonists who are somewhat sympathetic for a change. So with that said, I’m gonna Batman Returns a 7.1 out of 10.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this review, and if you did hop on by to my previous review to hear my thoughts on Batman! And then when you’re done with that head back to my blog to hear my thoughts on Warner’s response to this movie with the now infamous

Stay tuned!

The Batman Movie Retrospective Series - Batman (1989)

Published in November 2014

 Before you ask, no, I’m not gonna review any of the animated films. Not because live action is inherently superior to animation, but because I’ve already reviewed ALL of DC’s animated films right here. You can read my thoughts on everything from Mask of the Phantasm to Assault on Arkham, as well as several other movie series. Now with that being said, let’s get into the movie.

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

The mayor of Gotham City orders District Attorney Harvey Dent (Billy Dee Williams) and Police Commissioner James Gordon (Pat Hingle) to increase police activity and combat crime in preparation for the city’s bicentennial. Reporter Alexander Knox (Robert Wuhl) and photojournalist Vicki Vale (Kim Basinger) begin to investigate reports of a vigilante nicknamed “Batman”, who is targeting the city’s criminals.

Mob boss Carl Grissom (Jack Palance), who has already been targeted by Dent, discovers his mistress (Jerry Hall) is involved with his second-in-command, Jack Napier (Jack Nicholson). With the help of corrupt policeman Max Eckhardt (William Hootkins), Grissom sets up Napier to be murdered during a raid at the Axis Chemicals plant. During the ensuing shootout, Napier kills Eckhardt, after which Batman suddenly appears. The two struggle, and Napier is accidentally knocked into a vat of chemical waste. Batman flees, and Napier is thought to be dead.

Batman is in actuality Bruce Wayne (Michael Keaton), a billionaire industrialist who, as a child, witnessed his parents’ murder at the hands of a mugger. Bruce meets and falls for Vicki at a fundraiser, and the two begin a relationship. Meanwhile, Napier survives the accident, but is horribly disfigured with chalk-white skin, emerald-green hair and a permanent ruby-red grin. Driven insane by his reflection, he reinvents himself as “the Joker”, kills Grissom and usurps his criminal empire.

The Joker begins to spread terror in the city, first by lacing hygiene products with a deadly chemical known as “Smilex”, which causes victims to laugh to death when used in certain combinations. The Joker then sets a trap at the Gotham Museum of Art for Vicki, and he and his henchmen vandalize the surrounding works of art. Batman arrives and rescues Vicki, and the pair escape in the Batmobile. Batman gives information about Smilex to Vicki so she can warn the city via Gotham newspapers about the poisoned products.

Bruce meets with Vicki at her apartment, prepared to tell her that he is Batman. They are interrupted by the Joker, who asks Bruce, “Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moonlight?“ before shooting him. Bruce, who was wearing body armor, escapes, and recollects that the man who killed his parents asked him the same question; he realizes that the Joker killed his parents. Vicki suddenly appears in the Batcave, having been let in by Bruce’s butler, Alfred Pennyworth (Michael Gough). After avouching himself to Vicki, Bruce—as Batman—leaves to destroy the Axis Chemical plant. Meanwhile, the Joker lures the townspeople to a nighttime parade with a promise to give away $20 million in cash. When the citizens arrive, however, he attacks them with Smilex gas spewing it from his giant parade balloons. Batman arrives on the scene and saves Gotham City from the attack using the Batwing, but the Joker kidnaps Vicki and takes her to the top of a cathedral.

Batman pursues the two, and at the top of the dusty edifice, he and the Joker confront each other in single combat. When the Joker attempts an escape via a helicopter, Batman grapples the Joker’s leg to a heavy stone sculpture, causing him to fall to his death. Commissioner Gordon unveils the Bat-Signal along with a note from Batman read by Harvey Dent, promising to defend Gotham whenever crime strikes again.

Before we go any further I want to get something else out of the way, this is my opinion. No matter how “totally wrong” you think I am, I still have every right to say what I have to say. If you agree, awesome! If you don’t, that’s fine. You’re more than welcome to tell me your respectful reasons as to why, in fact, here’s my askbox fill it to your heart’s content with why you disagree with me. But don’t go on a rant explaining why I’m somehow stupid or a deplorable human being because I don’t share your opinion on this film.

I tell you this now because, well, I’M TALKING ABOUT BATMAN! The films of this franchise have three radically different tones and everyone has something to say about them. Everyone in the world has a different opinion on what movies are the gold standard and what movies are the bottom of the barrel. And also, this is internet. Where saying something is better or worse than what most folks think is the equivalent of throwing someone’s first born child into a pit of molten lava.

So please, if I say something you disagree with, save your moral outrage for something more important than a guy talking about Batman on his blog. Like say the fact that Tim Burton is still allowed to make movies after this abomination

Now that’s something worth your moral outrage!

PROS:

• Danny Elfman’s score! Say all you want about Tim Burton movies, but whenever he grabs Elfman for the theme you can count on this son of a bitch to deliver! And don’t tell me that his theme isn’t legendary? Astonishing work as always Mr. Elfman, bravo!
  

  

• Michael Keaton as Bruce Wayne. I’ve never gotten much of anything off of his Batman, but I’ve always kinda liked his Bruce Wayne. He’s just got this calm shy awkward demeanor to him that I enjoy. I hate to bring up this cliche argument, but it really leaves him as someone you wouldn’t expect to be Batman. If someone told you that this guy
  

  

  
  Was Batman, you’d probably laugh in their face. Where as if someone told you that these guys were Batman
  

  

  
  You wouldn’t necessarily believe them, but you’d be looking at them crosseyed for a while just sort of wondering “Or is he?” I also like how he’s always thinking about the matter at hand, he has Alfred do some research on Jack Napier, he does a chemical analysis of hair and makeup products to see if they really are poisoned like the Joker says, and when the Joker shows up at Vicki’s apartment, the first thing he does is hide, but he doesn’t just stay hidden. He grabs a silver platter and hides it under his shirt, and then he tries to distract the creep while he goes for a possible weapon, ie., the poker from Vicki’s fireplace! I like how he’s clearly a smart guy. So good job on that note people.
• Jack Nicholson as the fucking Joker! If there’s one thing this movie gets right character wise, it’s The Joker! This movie does a great job of crafting his darkly comedic persona, and every time you see him you get why people are skeeved out by him. I’m tempted to complain about how they gave him a full on origin story for this film, but I call it a gimme that some films just sort of need to have. I think Jack also perfectly caught his manic persona, how he’s always giggling, joking, and completely over the fucking top! My personal favorite moment of his is the scene where he first reveals himself to his boss after his skin was bleached, and says “Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me… Joker! And as you can see, I’m a whole lot happier!” And that final shot of him lying dead on the ground while a recording him laughing plays on really does freak the hell out of me.
• I really liked Kim Basinger’s Vicki Vale, I thought she had a good personality and was a fun presence at the right moments. And I liked her dynamic with Robert Wuhl’s Knox with how he’s always flirting with her and he’s always playfully shutting her down, especially at the end of their first scene where he asks her to marry him and she replies “Nope.” Then he asks if she’ll buy him lunch, and she answers “Maybe.” She didn’t do a ton in the film, but she never did anything to make me dislike her so I think I’ll sit on the side of liking her.
• Robert Wuhl’s Knox is an odd character, but I like how despite the fact that he comes off as a little pompous he ultimately does take a heroic action by grabbing a paint mask and a piece of wood from his trunk to fend off rioters from coming at his car while Vicki is inside it. It’s pretty clear that while he may be a bit off an odd guy he’s not really a bad guy.
• Michael Gough’s Alfred was such a sweet character. He comes off as just the nicest old man ever honestly, and he doesn’t have quite the same no bullshit attitude that Michael Caine’s Alfred would later have, he does make a certain comment about the man he cares for’s lifestyle saying, “I have no wish to fill my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.” I also love this quick gag during the party where Bruce keeps setting an item down when he’s finished with it, and Alfred picks up each time and places it on his caterer’s tray. Gough just brought a lot of class to the role honestly, I mean for fuck’s sake, he managed to sound tasteful during the fucking Diet Coke commercial for this movie! Also I feel it’d be wrong of me to not note that Michael tragically passed away in 2011. Upon hearing of his death, Keaton actually sent a brief obituary to The Hollywood Reporter, writing “To Mick – my butler, my confidant, my friend, my Alfred. I love you. God bless. Michael (Mr Wayne) Keaton.” Rest in peace Mr. Gough, you will be missed.
• Pat Hingle and Billy Dee Williams didn’t get to do a lot in their roles as Commissioner Gordon and Harvey Dent, but I thought did perfectly fine in both of their roles. Interestingly, according to the late Hingle, there was brief scene shot where Gordon was seen looking after Bruce Wayne as young patrolman after Bruce had just witnessed his parents murders that for some reason the production decided to not us. I wish they’d included that, if for no other reason than it would’ve given some more meat to Hingle’s role. Either way, nice job gentlemen, and rest in peace Mr. Hingle.
• Bob the Goon. I liked Bob. Bob was a good goon.

CONS

• Look, I’m fine with a movie making deviations from the comics, but The Joker killing the Waynes is fucking stupid.
• The action in this movie is terrible. There’s just nothing exciting to it at all. It’s dull, it’s boring, it leaves me checking my watch.
• I’m with Batman killing because he doesn’t have a choice, I’m with Batman killing on accident, but what I’m not fine with, is him blatantly driving the batmobile into the Axis Chemical Factory and bombing the place to hell so as to get rid of all of The Joker’s thugs. Fuck you movie!
• The final sequences in the church tower and at the parade sequence go on waaaay too long. The church tower scene should’ve been cut completely, in my opinion, and the parade sequence should’ve gone on for 3 minutes before Batman’s plane shows up, and The Joker should’ve then gassed everyone. That would’ve been much better I’d say.
• I really hate how Bats just tries to walk up all the stairs in the church tower, dude, you have a grapplegun! Use it!
• The way The Joker is killed just doesn’t make any sense, if the helicopter was pulling that hard, it should’ve either A. Broken Batman’s line. B. Made Joker lose his grip. Or C. Broken Joker’s leg. Not break off the fucking gargoyle and cause the clown to fall to his fucking death!
• The standoff between The Joker and the Batplane does not make sense. The clown’s right fucking there Bats and you can’t hit him? Aim for fuck’s sake! Oh, and one shot from a revolver with a giant ass barrel is all it takes down the damn plane? Fuck you again movie!
• Kim and Michael don’t have any chemistry. They’re both perfectly fine on their own, but when you have Vicki telling Bruce that she’s loved him ever since she met him, it really does fall flat, and it really shouldn’t.

Overall, I can’t say I like this movie, but I really can’t say I hate it either. If I grew up on it like so many other folks did I might be able to have a softer opinion of it, but I didn’t and don’t. All in all, I’m gonna Tim Burton’s Batman a 6.3 out of 10.

Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed this review, or at least, weren’t overly offended by it. And If you did enjoy, head back on up to the start of my review to hear my thoughts on some other DC movies, including reviews of last couple films we were given of a certain Last Son of Krypton! And when you’re done with those, stop on by for my next review where I’ll be tackling Tim’s next Bat-movie

Probably not the same Battime, but absolutely the same BatURL!