DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series - Batman Vs. Robin (2015)

Written In July 2015

Watching this film in preparation for Justice League: Gods And Monsters is like filing your damn taxes in hopes of that big ass $500 return. It’s tedious as fuck, it’s not enjoyable at all, but you’re hoping that it’ll lead to something much much better and more entertaining, and God almighty do I hope that movie is good! As for this movie though?

Originally posted by storiesmakeyoufly

Well… I’ve definitely seen worse from DC Animation

Much

Much

Worse

So I guess there’s that…

Plot Summary Taken From IMDb:

While Damian Wayne struggles to cope with Batman’s no-killing rule, he soon starts to believe that his destiny lies within a secret society known as, The Court of Owls.

You know what’s a comic series I loved?

You know what’s another comic series I loved?

This movie was supposed to be based on both of those volumes and guess what?

They fucking fucked it up!

The Talons are boring antagonists, the Court of Owls aren’t even remotely threatening, the “Get the hell out of my cave!” Scene wasn’t nearly as badass as it was in the comic, the main Talon had potential as he was done here but that was completely wasted as it would turn out. So congrats J.M. DeMatteis and Jay Olivia, you squandered epic source material to make a crappy ass movie!

And that’s not me saying it, that’s Commissioner Gordon saying it! He lived through this shit, he knows what he’s talking about!

PROS:

• In terms of animation and backgrounds, this movie does a good job of setting up it’s atmosphere, kudos to you Oliva.
• The action throughout the film is pretty well done, I’m not always fond of why the fights are happening (we’ll get to that later) but I can never say I’m bored by the actual fighting.
• I like how the movie starts with Damian doing some detective work, we saw in Son of Batman that he was a little hothead (and he still is here) but now we see he’s actually got some brains rattling around in there and he knows how to actually use them, good job little guy!
• Everything relating to the Dollmaker is fucking fantastic! It’s creepy as hell for one, and two, the Dollmaker himself comes off as a suitably disgusting character that you still can’t help but feel sorry for. Which is an especially a great feat when you realize he’s voiced by freaking Weird Al Yankovic! MVP right here guys!
• I appreciate the very brief moment where Damian is trying talk himself out of killing the Dollmaker, repeating Bruce’s advice about prioritizing justice over vengeance.
• I like the very brief scene of Batman comforting the kidnapped children, that felt pretty in character.
• The early bonding scenes between Bruce and Damian are really good, I like the two of them talking about Charles Dickens and Bruce letting Damian having his own bowl of popcorn when they watch that western together.
• I like the idea of having Dick babysit Damian and I love how we get a little Starfire reference, I just wish it didn’t contain a pointless fight scene between Robin and Nightwing or further awkward attempts from DC Animation at being adult by making frank references to sex.
• On paper I really like the idea of Talon mentoring Damian and trying seduce him to the dark side so to speak, in practice I don’t really think it works, but I think it could’ve worked with a better writer than J.M. DeMatteis
• I have mixed feelings about the blonde chick Bruce is dating being the grandmaster, but on the positive side I think it’s an interesting twist, and it’d make sense to get close to such a valuable target. Plus, if Bruce isn’t 100% about joining the Court, you can just drop the bomb that you’re a member and think that him joining could only benefit the world and Gotham City.

CONS:

• I think there are times where this movie just doesn’t know what to say or what not say. There are bits of dialogue that either feel tacked on or were in the right ballpark but still off the mark. When Batman shows up in the middle of Damian’s fight with Dollmaker’s army of child soldiers with weaponized limbs, Damian says he doesn’t need any help, and Bruce repeats a sassy remark Damian gave him earlier. Or when Damian looks like he’s about to kill Bruce, Bruce just yells at him to kill him already if it’s really what he wants. These are both lines that just should’ve been omitted honestly.
• I really hate how when Bruce finds Damian standing over Dollmaker’s dead body, and Bruce asks Damian what he did, Damian just says “figure it out for yourself.

• Damian how do you expect Bruce to trust you more if you keep sneaking out, especially after he thinks you killed someone!

• Dick why do you think it’s a good idea to egg on your opponent when they’re a trained assassin that happens to be a temperamental child?

• Alfred you know better than to do something as stupid as lower security so Damian can get through! What kind of idiot are you J. M. DeMatteis?

• You know if this story is focusing on Damian, why’re you giving us a flashback about Bruce? Also, why’re you implying that the court of owls actually did kill Bruce’s parents? Who do you think you are? Tim Burton?

• Lets get down to the brass tacks here, a fight between Batman and Robin is pointless! I mean an argument is one thing, a physical skirmish is one thing, but a film where the entire premise leads to Batman and Robin duking out is pointless, especially when the Robin in question is a ten year old boy!
• At the end of the film Bruce and Damian decide to part ways because Damian can’t figure out who he is, admitting that he’s so confused by what Bruce, Thalia, and Ra’s have all taught him. Here’s the thing kiddo- No fuck that, here’s the thing J.M DeMatteis, HE’S FUCKING TEN YEARS OLD! NOBODY KNOWS WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE AT TEN! NOBODY CARES WHO THE FUCK THEY ARE WHEN THEY’RE TEN YEARS OLD! I know Damian isn’t exactly a normal ten year old, but he’s still a ten year old boy! And the fact that Bruce says Damian isn’t really a child only serves to irritate me further.

Originally posted by polystyrene-hat

Overall, Batman Vs. Robin is a waste of time. Mine, yours, everyone’s. It didn’t anger me as much as the above three films did, but it’s almost there. I’m gonna the film a 4.7 out of 10

DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series - Justice League: Throne of Atlantis (2015)

Written In January 2015

 Let me save us all some time and cut this review short.

Are we done now?

Fuck you Louis CK! You don’t have to review movies that aren’t worth talking about!

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

After the events of Justice League: War, Ocean Master and Black Manta have declared a war against the surface in retaliation of the aftermath of Apokoliptian-tyrant Darkseid’s planetary invasion. Queen Atlanna seeks out her other son, Ocean Master’s half-brother Arthur Curry, a half-human with aquatic powers with no knowledge of his Atlantean heritage, to restore balance.

Living with powers he doesn’t understand and seeing the danger around him, Curry takes steps to embrace his destiny, joining the Justice League, and with his new teammates he battles to save Earth from total destruction.

Here is my open letter to DC’s animation department, you made this

This

This

And This

And then you just started making this crap?

I refuse to believe you are giving me anything close to your best, c’mon DC! You are better than this! You don’t owe me or anyone else anything, because at the end of the day, your live action films and your video games will easily make more money than these projects, but please, for the sake of making a product you can genuinely take pride in, step up your fucking game!

"PSST!"

What is it non existent voice that I’m making up to segway into a point?

"Look at this!"

Okay, let me read this. Let’s see, we’ve got:

Batman Vs. Robin: “A loose adaptation of Scott Snyder’s Court of Owls series with Jason O’Mara, Stuart Allan, Sean Maher, and David McCallum reprising their roles from Son of Batman.” That sounds good so far. I’ve read Court of Owls, that’s some pretty awesome material, what else have we got? “With Jeremy Sisto, Kevin Conroy, and Weird Al Yankovic as Talon, Thomas Wayne, and The Dollmaker respectively.” Alright, who’s behind the camera for this one?

*heavy sigh* Jay Olivia is directing, of course this was too good to be true. But who’s the irrelevant hack writing? *looks back* Oh, we’ve got J. M. DeMatteis, he wrote some of my favorite episodes Justice League Unlimited, take a look at this guy’s credits! Yeah that looks kinda cool, I mean, it’ll probably suck at worst and be okay at best, but at least I have something worth being disappointed about! Good God, these movies are making me so pessimistic. C’mon DC, give me something that’ll wash that away, give me something that-

What?

No, it can’t be!

Is it?

IT IS! YOU GUYS DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW GREAT THIS IS! Alan Burnett and Bruce Timm basically co-created the entire original DC animated universe with Paul Dini! And Sam Liu co-directed Crisis On Two Earths and Year One with Lauren Montgomery, and also just plain directed Hulk Vs. and Planet Hulk! THIS IS FANTASTIC NEWS! DON’T FUCK THIS UP DC!

Okay, enough of that optimism and hope for the future, let’s get into why the present is sort of eh.

PROS:

• Matt Lanter, best known as the voice of Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Clone Wars, does a pretty good job here as Arthur. He definitely makes him likable and gives him a certain charm, and he sells some of the more silly moments like when he’s drunkenly voicing his sorrows to a restaurant lobster that’s about to cooked and boiled.
• Sumalee Montano does an adequate job of voicing Mera, I don’t really know the character all that well so I can’t say if she should sound the way she does, but all I can say is she did a decent job. Nothing memorable, but that beats the hell out of being terrible. If you wanna hear something more memorable, listen to her portrayal of Katana on Beware The Batman.
• Jerry O’Connell takes over for Alan Tudyk here as Superman and I gotta say I think he sounds more like the classic Supes than Alan did, admittedly Alan wasn’t playing the classic Supes, but I like the classic Supes better. He seems like less of an arrogant douchenozzle than last Superman, so I like him more.
• This Wonder Woman has improved and THANK GOD FOR IT! She’s less obnoxious, she doesn’t spend her time pointing her sword randomly at people, or tossing her lasso of truth onto people who just say they don’t like her, it’s a RELIEF! And honestly, Rosario Dawson does a pretty good job of voicing her. Much improved over Michelle Monaghan, God love her.
• Nathan Fillion, Jason O’Mara, Shemar Moore, and Christopher Gorham are all pretty good as Hal, Bruce, Victor, and Barry respectively. They all do the same good work they did in their previous credits, let’s move on.
• The only time that this movie really impressed me was this dream sequence where a human Victor was out jogging with this beautiful woman, when suddenly he’s confronted by an empty version of his Cyborg armor, it tells him it’s time to go and Victor pleads with it to give him more time. This movie very briefly makes you think it’s about to do something interesting and then… it doesn’t. But it was nice to think so, even for a minute.
• I think we may gotten ourselves a cameo from Steel, isn’t that awesome?
• The Wonder Woman/Superman romance is done much much MUCH better this time! It still feels forced, but I think this time they’re playing it more like “these are two people who are afraid of being alone, so they pretend to be in love.” As opposed to “These people are totally in love!!!!” And honestly, I think if they played with that more than the movie’s 72 minute run time would allow it could be a lot more interesting, the idea that these two are brave enough to fight monsters and alien armies, but they haven’t the courage to admit to each other they aren’t in love and may have feelings for other people like say...
  
  
  
  
  I’m just saying.
• The Lex Luthor stinger at the end was pretty cool, I must admit.
• Harry Lennix does a good job as Black Manta, damn shame he was the bad guy they had to kill in the end.

CONS:

• Sam Witwer is a really great actor, in fact he does a wicked Emperor Palpatine! But his talent is wasted on this annoying character. Ocean Master is a terrible villain, I really wish it was Black Manta that got to be the villain at the end. But maybe he had to be killed instead because Orm is easier to manipulate than David.
• WHO THE FUCK DECIDED IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO KEEP MAKING BILLY BATSON A FUCKING ANNOYING SHITHEAD?!?! HE’S A GOOD KID! QUIT MAKING HIM SO DAMN ANNOYING FOR FUCK’S SAKE! 
• Juliet Landau does not make for a very good Lois Lane.
• So much of the stuff in Atlantis is telegraphed, you know what’s gonna happen as soon as the characters are set up. Atlanna is going to insist on not going to war, while Orm and David continue to set up for one, at some point Atlanna is going to reveal that she knows what they’re doing and then before she can enact disciplinary action for their treasonous behavior one of them will murder her. And guess what happens? Exactly that! It’s really fucking stupid! And it’s really fucking bad writing! Work on that!

All in all, this movie is a decent way to waste time. If you’re a hardcore DC fan, give it a watch. If you’re a hardcore animation fan, give it a watch. If you’re a big Aquaman fan, give it a shot. Otherwise, I wouldn’t say this is something you need to see. I’m gonna give Justice League: Throne of Atlantis, a 6 out of 10.

DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series – Batman: Assault on Arkham (2014)

Written In July 2014

You know, I was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that this movie would absolutely suck. I was absolutely certain that this movie would be frothing at the mouth awful, but now that I’ve seen it, I feel like I owe my friend Sean an apology. We were talking the other day about how Bruce Timm was involved with an animated DC movie again and I said, “Maybe we’ll finally get some good stuff back in here!” And he told me that Throne of Atlantis, the DC movie set to follow this one, would be awesome and I replied “Oh, of course it won’t!” And a few months earlier when the trailer for this movie got dropped he posted a link to it on his Facebook saying he thought it looked awesome and I just commented saying “It’s gonna suck.” I was completely wrong and I honestly owe him an apology. My bad pal, they gave us a fun ride, and I was wrong. Let’s dig into this.

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Amanda Waller forms the Suicide Squad where their mission is to break into Arkham Asylum and recover top secret information from Riddler. Suicide Squad member Harley Quinn ends up freeing Joker who makes plans to blow up Arkham Asylum and Gotham City causing Batman to spring into action.

No seriously, that’s all Wikipedia had to say about the movie. I thought about mixing it up for once and actually grabbing the summary from IMDb, but they had even less to say on the matter! But the funny thing is, they said that this movie is based on the Arkham games from Rocksteady… And it really shouldn’t because this movie shares none of those games’ atmosphere, ambiance, writing, or tone. It takes some their designs

And two of their cast members

But it literally has nothing to do with those games. The Arkham games have been described as combining the best parts of the Nolan films with the general atmosphere and focus of Batman: The Animated Series. This is basically if you made Batman the main cop in a 70’s pulp movie. It literally has ZERO to do with the Arkham games at all. But if we’re honest with ourselves, I think we all know that this game

Is gonna be far better than anything the people in charge of DC Animation can come up with at this point. But, we all need a little bit of stupid bloody fun in our lives every now again, so let’s see how Assault on Arkham stacks up against the likes of Justice League War and Son of Batman.

PROS:

• Neal McDonough as Deadshot is the star of this show, and he shines bright throughout! I think his design is probably on the high end for this movie, and his voice just fit this character perfectly. I’m more familiar with Deadshot as a more rogueish character, and there’s plenty of that left here, but it just comes off as more leading man friendly. Great work Mr. McDonough, you make everything cool.
• CCH Pounder returns as Amanda Waller who kills it as always in this role. If anyone of actual influence at DC Entertainment is reading this review, please please please cast Miss Pounder as Waller in one of your movies, you will not regret it!
• Matthew Gray Gubler does the voice of the Riddler and he’s absolutely perfect throughout. Excellent choice!
• Giancarlo Esposito doesn’t say a ton as Black Spider but he’s Giancarlo Esposito so he’s automatically awesome!
• Greg Ellis does a fun job as Captain Boomerang, and I love Boomerang and Deadshot’s rivalry, that made for some good stuff.
• Jennifer Hale as Killer Frost. She’s Jennifer Hale, that’s an automatic pro.
• Nolan North does a kick ass Penguin.
• Kevin Conroy doesn’t do a ton as Batman, but it’s Kevin Conroy. What more do I need to say?
• That last scene is perfect. Let’s be honest here, if you read comics, or if you’ve watched these cartoons, you’ve wanted to see that bitch, Amanda Waller, dead for a long ass time! Thank you so much Deadshot!

CONS:

• I hold no disrespect at all to Troy Baker and Hynden Walch, I think they’re both absolutely terrific voice actors and I’ve loved them in lots of stuff, but good God did they make for a terrible Joker and Harley. My issue? They’re both impersonations. I know DC struck gold with Mark Hamill and Arleen Sorkin, but if they both gave up the role, you really shouldn’t be trying to recreate them, give someone a chance to do something different. Also at one point, Joker barges in on the Suicide Squad and proclaims “I’M HERE BITCHES!” That’s not a Joker line, that’s a fucking Deadpool line, and you know it. As for Harley, why the fuck did you need to show her tricking Deadshot into sleeping with her? This is an actual movie people, not fucking fanfiction!
• Is there any particular reason why they strip the women down so often in this movie? Any reason that makes sense and isn’t just an excuse to put titties on the screen in some capacity?
• Whoever these KGBeast and King Shark people are, they really don’t need to be in more movies.
• How do make a movie that’s only 75 minutes feel too long? You could’ve easily cut out the entire sequence where Deadshot has to wrestle with Captain Boomerang for control of a helicopter, and then wrestle with Joker while Harley tries to figure out what the hell to do. And then you could’ve cut the fight between The Joker and Deadshot inside the building where the helicopter crashes into, and the fight between Batman and Harley for the Joker’s hammer.
• A subplot in this movie is that the Joker has a dirty bomb planted in the city. Okay let me explain something here; The Joker always justifies his crimes as being a form of comedy. So what in hell is comedic about blowing half the city to hell with a nuclear bomb? What could be even remotely comedic about that?

All in all, despite my quibbles, Assault on Arkham is a big step forward after the last three DC movies ranging between okay, awful, and even worse. I’m gonna give this one a 7.2 out of 10.

DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series - Son of Batman (2014)

Written In April 2014

 Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

Batman learns that he has a violent, unruly pre-teen son with Talia al Ghul named Damian Wayne who has secretly been raised by Ra’s al Ghul and the League of Assassins. When Ra’s al Ghul apparently dies after a battle with his former right-hand man Deathstroke, Batman must work to stop his long-lost son from taking revenge and guide him to a righteous path, in order for the pair to truly acknowledge each other as family.

Now, let me be blunt. This movie is not good, but the weird thing is it’s not really terrible. I can’t definitively say whether or not I think it has more pros or cons, and what’s weird is by all merits it should be a pretty good movie. It has two Firefly alum in the form of Sean Maher and Morena Baccarin as Nightwing and Thalia Al Ghul Thomas Gibson AKA Aaron Hotchner from Criminal Minds, Jason O'Mara is back as Batman who I thought was one of the few highlights of Justice League War *gag*, it has mother fucking Giancarlo Esposito AKA Gustavo Fring from Breaking Bad as the voice of Ra’s Al Ghul! And on the writing and directing end, this is Joe R. Lansdale, the guy who wrote Per Chance To Dream, arguably one of the greatest episodes of Batman: The Animated Series, along with one of my favorite DC Showcase shorts, Jonah Hex! As for the director, he directed some of my favorite episodes of Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Avatar and The Firelord, Nightmares And Daydreams, The Western Airtemple, The Blind Bandit, Return To Omashu, Bitter Work, Tales of Ba Sing Se. What could possibly go wrong?!

But something did, and I think I know what it is.

1. The Lazarus Pit literally brought Jason Todd back to life after he was killed in an explosion, so why the fuck can’t it do the same for Ra’s who was actually still conscious right before he reached the pit.
2. Since when was Slade ever Ra’s Al Ghul’s apprentice? According to the Batman Wikia, Deathstroke has only ever had Ra’s as a client, never his possible heir.

I mean, I get the feeling I wouldn’t care if I weren’t at least vaguely aware of these characters through comics, movies, video games, and animation. Like, if this were my first exposure to Slade Wilson and Ra’s Al Ghul, I likely wouldn’t care. But I am, so I do. But don’t get me wrong, this is not a bad movie! It is nowhere near the lows of Justice League War, and especially not Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox, or Superman/Batman: Public Enemies. There are several good things about it! And we’ll get into that now!

PROS:

• The little guy playing Damian is really good! He’s a little shaky in parts, but I’ll blame that more on direction. And speaking of direction!
• Giancarlo Esposito was one of my favorite parts of Breaking Bad, I was really excited when I read he was voicing Ra’s Al Ghul. He’s a little less noble king or a blood thirsty warlord, and a little more wizened old mentor. But he’s still terrific!
• Thomas Gibson does really great work, yeah he sounds a little bored at times, but he makes for a great Deathstroke. He’s got this sort of sarcastic Slade Wilson. Everything he says sounds really sort of dry, I kinda like it!
• Morena Baccarin does some really great work as Thalia, and it helps that she’s returning to DC animation actor having voiced Cheetah in an episode of the Brave and the Bold and Black Canary in three JLU episodes. She’s got the natural sex appeal of the character while still coming off as mothering and a badass warrior and leader.
• Jason O'Mara again does some pretty good work! Again, he’s not Kevin Conroy or Bruce Greenwood or even Rino Romano or Diedrich Bader, but he’s better than say, Ben McKenzie! Say, isn’t Ben attached to something else Batman related right now? Set to hit kind of soon actually? What was it again?
  
  Oh... Um… Well, hopefully he’s a better live action actor than a voice actor… Bastille tell the people how I'm feeling. Yeah listen to it for a minute I think you might get my thoughts on this matter.
• On a far more positive note, Sean Maher is PERFECT as Nightwing here! He is not in this movie nearly enough, but when he is here he is terrific!
• We got a bit of a wink towards the REALLY hardcore batfans. Some folks may consider Val Kilmer the forgotten Batman, seeing as how he’s between Michael Keaton, who kicked off the franchise, and George Clooney, who killed the franchise, and long before Christian Bale who resurrected it, and not as memorable as the delightfully camp Adam West Batman. But! Here, we have the truly forgotten Batman, Bruce Thomas, who played Batman in the pilot of episode of Birds of Pray and those silly little OnStar commercials from that ran from 2000 to 2002. And what’s he doing here? He’s voicing COMMISSIONER GORDON! And he’s not bad either, nice job Brucie.
• The action is nothing special, but it’s really good at times!

CONS:

• Why all the blood? This is Batman, not 300!
• Why is Deathstroke Ra’s Al Ghul’s former apprentice?
• I’ve never been a huge Damian fan so I wasn’t especially psyched to see him make his animated debut here I’m sorry to say.
• We get to see Dick holding a sword before Damian kills someone, we see him challenge the kid, then we cut to him on the phone with Bruce all bloodied up and cut with Damian tied to lamppost. We then don’t see him accompany Bruce and Damian on their missions until the final 10 minutes of the movie where Dick swoops in on the Batplane at the last second. Why do we not get to see Dick be a badass at any point?
• At one point Dick is arguing with Damian and he says he’ll never get to be Robin. What is the point of that scene when you literally know if you’ve seen the trailers or read the comics that that is literally who he becomes! And eventually Dick becomes his Batman! There’s no point to that scene.
• This is kind of a petty complaint, but why does Thalia’s shirt always have to be open in each and every single scene she has, except for a scene where she’s in a dress, which even then is cleavage-y as hell, has no back, and has a high slit on both sides of the actual skirt, I mean I realize there she’s coming onto Bruce, but what’s the actual point of making her so damn sexy all the damn time? I mean look at some of these character designs.
  
  
  Batman Beyond
  
  
  Batman: The Brave And The Bold
  
  
  Batman: Under The Red Hood
  
  
  Batman: Arkham City
  
  
  Miranda Tate in Dark Knight Rises
  
  
  Thalia Al ghul in Dark Knight Rises
  
  
  And Son of Batman… Yeeaah… And that’s not to say it’s somehow wrong to dress “sexily” in real life, but it doesn’t really make sense from a practical standpoint to dress like that if your supposed to be a badass ninja warrior. And you just know, that when they decided to make her wear this super cleavagey outfit, they weren’t thinking “This is something Thalia would wear because that’s what she likes.” they were thinking “This is something Thalia should wear because that’s gonna make strait teen guys like this movie more.” And I think we can both agree, that’s a load of crap.
• I kind of feel like a the quick Joker cameo we got, with Dee Bradley Baker doing the laugh, was kind of unneeded. In fact, I think showing off the fact that “We are in ARKHAM ASYLUM MOTHER FUCKERS!!!!” There’s no real point in it.

Overall, I can’t get really mad at this movie, I can’t really be disappointed with it because I wasn’t looking forward to it, and I’m ultimately not satisfied with it. I’m gonna go 6.65 out of 10.

I’ve seen better, I’ve seen worse. I don’t want to watch this one again, but I won’t suffer if I do. I’ll see you guys again before the year ends with a review of

Which doesn’t look a damn thing like those games and is being directed by this chump

maybe it won’t suck- Oh who the hell am I kidding?

DC Animated Superhero Retrospective Series - Justice League: War (2014)

Written In February 2014 

Updated In October 2014

You know how my last review that it’s going to be worse next movie? Now that I’ve seen the next movie, I don’t think it actually is worse. I mean, it’s not GOOD, or even decent, but it’s better than Flashpoint. Not by much, but still. It’s kind of like when I talked Superman/Batman: Apocalypse. It stinks badly, but it stinks better than the last steaming pile of cow dung that I talked about.

Plot Summary Taken From Wikipedia:

A series of strange abductions have occurred in Gotham City, with video footage suggesting that Batman, a wanted costumed vigilante, is behind the incidents. When a mysterious cloaked kidnapper abducts a woman, Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) arrives to confront the kidnapper and saves the woman when she is dropped from above. Green Lantern then attacks the kidnapper revealing it to be a monstrous Parademon. As the hero is about to be killed, Batman appears and saves Green Lantern from the rooftop. The Parademon resumes its position and attacks both heroes. They escape from the GCPD and chase the Parademon into the sewers, where it charges a Mother Box, and then it explodes. Batman and Green Lantern check the Box, and deducing it to be extraterrestrial origin, decide to seek Superman for answer. Another Mother Box is being studied at S.T.A.R. Labs, supplied by The Flash (Barry Allen). Silas Stone, father of Vic Stone, ignores going to his son’s football game so he can study the Box. Arriving in Metropolis, Batman and Green Lantern end up fighting Superman (who has fought a Parademon previously) and confuses the heroes for working with it. The battle spreads over a portion of the city, but it finally stops when Batman calls the Man of Steel “Clark”. Superman, in return, uses his x-ray vision and recognizes Batman as Bruce Wayne. The three heroes then begin to collaborate. On another planet Apokolips, Darkseid orders Desaad to begin invasion on Earth.

Vic arrives at S.T.A.R. Labs and has an argument with his father, who believes that football has no importance in a world that is changing with the appearance of metahumans. At the Daily Planet, Superman, Batman, and Green Lantern realize the invasion, just as the Box activates and several Boom Tubes appear throughout the world, including S.T.A.R. Labs. An explosion fatally wounding and embedding the Box’s technology into Vic, forcing S.T.A.R. Lab to take Vic to an emergency room in order to save him. Silas loads Vic into a hi-tech medical bed, connecting his son with various technologies. Countless number of Parademons starts to appear around the world, attacking everyone on sight. The Box’s technology ends up connected into Vic and the labs’ equipment, transforming Vic into a cyborg. Just as the Flash arrives to save the scientists, Cyborg’s systems reveal details on Apokolips, Darkseid, and the invasion plan. At his foster home, teenager Billy Batson spots a Parademon outside and mystically turns into the superhero Shazam. The Air Force One is attacked in the air only to be saved by the Amazon princess, Wonder Woman (Diana Prince) and Superman. After the heroes gather, as Cyborg reveals that the invasion is a set up to terraforming the Earth, Darkseid arrives and proves to be a powerful opponent who defeats each hero effortlessly.

Superman is captured and Batman stops Green Lantern and convinces him to help the heroes work together after he unmasked himself. Wayne then gets himself captured in order to save Superman. Green Lantern, acting as a leader, gets everyone together and decides to defeat Darkseid they must disable his eyes first, preventing him from using his Omega Beams. Batman arrives in Apokolips and stops Desaad from turning Superman into a Parademon, but due to the brainwashing, Superman goes on a rampage. Batman eventually able to reasoned with Superman, helping him regain control. Back on Earth, after successfully disabling Darkseid, Cyborg connects with the Mother Box to reopen the Boom Tubes to send the tyrant and his army back to their home world. Though the Parademons are gone, Darkseid remains, and after Superman and Batman arrive and take a combined effort to force the tyrant into the portal. With the world saved, the once-discriminated superheroes gain the public’s trust and are honored at the White House. Grateful to have met others like themselves but debating if they should be a team if a similar threat happens again, the President asks if they have a name, to which the new formed lineup are annoyed when Shazam abruptly announces the “Super Seven” without the others’ consent.

Funny story, when I was first reading the casting announcement for this movie, I thought Michelle Monaghan (this movie’s Wonder Woman) was this chick

Who, with all due respect to Gal, could’ve been a great Wondy in live action! But as it turns out, that’s not Michelle. That’s Paula Paton, who for some ungodly reason, is wed to this asshole.

Or at least she was! 

But anywho, apparently Michelle is Mission: Impossible alumni, just not the alumni I thought of

This is Michelle Monaghan, who was Tom Cruise’s wife is M:I3… Oh well.

CONS:

• This isn’t a bad cast, but some of the actors are really not suited to voice work.
• Darksied is utterly wasted as a bad guy with Steve Blum’s talent as a voice actor being thrown aside as well.
• Whoever this Justin Kirk guy is, he has a really annoying voice!
• Sean Astin is really wasted as Shazam, a shame because that sounds like perfect voice casting!
• This is the most ridiculous Wonder Woman I’ve ever watched. It’s not the worst, that pleasure goes to the last movie’s Wondy, but this Wonder Woman is practically a caricature.
• Why is Shazam here, when the original comic had Aquaman? I like Shazam, and I’m not against changing a comic, but isn’t that a really radical change to omit one character entirely for another? That’s like adapting Dark Knight Returns and swapping out Superman for Green Lantern! It doesn’t make any sense.
• “You’re strong.” “I know.” That’s the set up for Superman and Wonder Woman as a couple… That’s the fucking set up! Fuck you and your lazy writing movie!
• This Superman feels like the one in Man of Steel, but dumber. The Superman in MOS is a rookie, this is literally the first time he’s ever been in a fight and he’s not even one hundred percent sure how to use his abilities correctly since he spends so much time trying to hold them back. The Superman in this movie is established, and is blatantly using his powers recklessly against opponents he could easily kill for being so reckless.
• They really pussified GL in this movie. He’s practically useless.
• Victor Stone’s nickname is Victory? That’s the least creative nickname I’ve ever heard, and people usually just call me buddy.
• You have George Newbern in a movie with Superman but you don’t have him voice Superman? Why?
• Victor grabs a mother box right before it goes off and that’s why he has to become to Cyborg. That’s… Just… Stupid!
• Victor’s father is needlessly dickish. I think any parent could understand their kid being so frustrated with them not attending the even they’re part of. But instead of apologizing he says that the presence of people like Superman invalidates the importance of athletes.
  
  
  Well said Bill Murray, well said.
• Why did the writers decide to make Billy Batson a little shithead? He’s a blatant thief and then he’s a just plain dick to his foster siblings who are nothing but good to him. Geoff Johns can you explain this to me?

PROS:

• While I did just complain about this Superman, I was actually warmly surprised by him. He wasn’t that big of a douche. I mean he was still a douche, but he wasn’t as douchey as some of the horror stories about his New 52 run have suggested. And plus, Alan Tudyk, whom I adore, did a great job as Supes!
• Everybody seems less than impressed with Jason O'Mara’s Batman, I don’t understand why. I thought he was pretty good! I mean he’s not Kevin Conroy, but he does a really good job. I’m looking forward to hearing him again in Son of Batman.
• Sean Astin is perfect casting for Shazam!
• I’m a big fan of Criminal Minds and I loved having Shemar Moore here as Cyborg! Great casting!
• The score is pretty good!
• I really liked Wonder Woman’s design here.
• There’s a lot of scenes in this movie, that are great in GIF form, like when Wonder Woman tries ice cream for the first time and declares ICE CREAM IS WONDERFUL!

That’s really all I can say guys, this movie is really forgettable. I’m really neutral about since, while it has numerous problems, it just didn’t really do anything for me. I didn’t hate, but I really didn’t like it either. I’m gonna give Justice League: War a 4.5 out of 10.